practicality.

on sunday, i greeted people that walked in the door of our church. i love having that job and getting to see people i love arrive at a place i really love. a new favorite of mine, pauline, walked in and promptly asked me where she could leave a bag of bath towels. i told her i wasn't sure, but i could check. she explained that these towels no longer "matched her decor" and she'd like to give them to someone who could use them.

[a little backstory. i am in a funny stage in life right now. not bad, mostly sweet, but really just every single penny is accounted for. sometimes i forget to buy more than one light bulb, and sometimes i switch that one light bulb from lamp to lamp. or sometimes i forget to buy towels and have to wash my one towel over and over again.]

when pauline offered her towels, my one bath towel sprung to mind, but i pushed it aside and felt like someone else could use them more than me. very quickly though, i felt like i was supposed to tell her that i was in need of them. so i did, and i felt a little silly and a little selfish.

pauline went to her car to grab her bag of an entire towel, hand towel, and wash cloth set.

i loaded the bag in the back of my car after church without much thought. the next morning i remembered them, and went to grab a new towel before my shower.

when i opened the bag, i couldn't believe it. the towels were beautiful and practically brand new. in that moment, i felt so surprised. in the most practical and impractical ways.

like, here is a basic need you have: towels. okay, someone walks up and hands you a bag of them. and also like, i know you lauren, and i'd like to provide you with a really beautiful practical item just because i adore you.

i know it may sound silly, and that's okay. but, i just haven't been able to get those towels out of my head all week. i have felt and still feel very loved by my community and especially by a Lord that orchestrates these little moments that help me remember that He is there.

new venture

hello people.

in the next few months, life is going to look a little different. i am hoping to go back to school (part time) in the fall. i am also hoping to have a little more say over my schedule, and have more time to pursue things that i'm interested in doing long term.

last week i sent out an email to a few moms in the charlotte area to let them know i will be available for babysitting. right now, my availability will be around my work schedule. i have embeded my calendar so anyone that's interested can see when i'm available. you can email me at lehogan@gmail.com to request a time, and i'll get back to you quickly and let you know if it works out, and my rates, etc.

pet-sitting and house-sitting are also options, if anyone needs some help in those ways. so, here's a very basic idea of my current schedule.

feel free to pass my name around to any of your friends.

a treat for you.

a fool proof recipe for chocolate cobbler (two of my favorite words combined).

nutella chocolate cobbler

• 3/4 cup all-purpose flour
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 6 tablespoons cocoa powder, divided
• 1 cup sugar, divided
• 1/2 cup milk
• 1/2 cup Nutella
• 6 tablespoons melted butter
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 1/2 cup brown sugar, packed
• 1-½ cup hot tap water

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Combine flour, baking powder, salt, 3 tablespoons cocoa powder, and 1/2 cup of white sugar. Stir in milk, Nutella, butter, and vanilla. Mixture will be thick like the texture of peanut butter. Spread mixture into an ungreased 8-inch baking dish. In a separate bowl, mix 1/2 cup white sugar, brown sugar, and remaining cocoa. Sprinkle mixture evenly over the batter. Pour the hot water over everything and do not stir. Bake for 40-45 minutes or until the center is slightly firm but not fluid like liquid. Spoon mixture into small bowls and serve with a scoop of vanilla ice cream.

okay, if i could do it over again, i would probably increase the amount of nutella to either 3/4 cup or even 1 cup. because i like nutella that much. also, i might try to figure out a way to make it more cobbler-y. like make the top crunchier. possibly add a bit of flour and some crushed up walnuts? not exactly sure. but, i'll be honest, it was really terrific as is. like a brownie with puddles of chocolate pudding throughout.

on the lookout

so, i used to have this application on my phone where i could blog pretty easily. well, actually let's rewind even further. i used to have a functioning computer and unlimited wifi access, but these days i have a crippled blogging application on my phone that only allows text, and looks at you like you're crazy should you suggest uploading a picture.

i do not mind it though. i enjoy reading people's thoughts more than scrolling through their pictures, anyway.

hey, have you noticed i'm getting back in the swing of chatting with you? oh yeah? me too.

lately, i have been feeling about work like i used to feel about high school. what excuse can i come up with to not have to go? things are getting real right now. but, i know that it's mostly me. this is the time in any (really any) commitment that i get bored and want to jump ship. right at about 10 months. cause a year seems like a solid amount of time to do anything, so i start making plans for what to do next around 10 months.

i am continuing to feel vulnerable lately. like i am preparing for heartbreak/emergency. does that sound strange? it feels really strange. and probably not great that i just act like it's normal to feel anxiety the way i have been. there are several reasons for it, too long and boring to go into. but, i am looking for peace. always on the lookout.

not much else to say. laying in my bed after a lazy weekend full of open windows, screen doors, and too many cookies. (and lots of winn time). wishing there was some way we could all just spend our days together instead of working to pay the bills.

also, could i sound more like a hippie? "always on the lookout for peace" and wishing "we could spend all our days together".

oh well.

i have always been a proponent of the commune idea.

here's to a great last week of february.

plans?

i've accomplished a few things this week. not necessarily what was on my to-do list, but they're accomplishments nonetheless.

i filed my taxes, and i have been dreaming of things to do with my return all week. too bad money doesn't go quite as far as my plans for it do. also, i sort of cleaned out my car, but not really. beulah has not really gotten walked, but i've taken her to the park and sat in the sun almost every day.

can we actually talk about something? i've been thinking a lot about what i'd like to get done by the time i am 30. for example, i'd like to own my own home by the big 3-0. i do not have a plan in place for this goal, but 2011 is the year. it should be said, that when i say home, i mean farm land somewhere in the carolinas.

also, here's the latest thought. i'm just going to say it, and then we'll talk implications. if i am not married (or in a legit relationship) by the time i'm 30, i am considering starting adoption paperwork. (!)

i can see anyone i know reading that and falling out on the floor. especially my parents. i am just thinking through things. there are so many ifs and maybes and things that would have to happen (or not happen) for me to get to that place, but i am allowing myself to go there. that situation is so sticky and complicated, and i don't know if i would feel good about knowlingly walking into raising a child without a father. at the same time, i think about all the children in the U.S. that need families. or about the 418,000+ children in the american foster care system.

i guess i just get scared of waiting around and wasting my younger years. you know?
so there's that.

'holiday'

i'd hoped i would wake up this morning and that my paycheck would magically be deposited a day early. you know, with it being a 'holiday' and all. no such luck. if i had gotten paid today, i had plans to buy lots of baking supplies, get my oil changed, and maybe buy myself a little something for valentines day. oh, and pay my car payment and electric bill.

plan b for today includes making coffee and a pb&j. then sitting in my bed until i finish my first cup. that's where i am currently. next steps include: showering, taking beulah either for a walk or down to doggie daycare. both take effort, but just different kinds. have (HAVE) to do laundry today (don't have a washer and dryer at my place, so i have to really plan a time to do it), need to file my taxes (which i can do during laundry times), and if i can find some change for the vacuum, clean out my car.

mondays are shaping up to be a new weekly highlight. last week we had our first meeting of the mad men club. i've seen and loved every episode, but lots of friends have not. so instead of passing around the DVDs, we are watching a couple of episodes every monday night together at my house. tonight with it being a 'holiday', we will be dressing up a bit, and had planned to make cocktails, but now that i am poor until tomorrow, that may turn into tap water in martini glasses. we shall see.

anyway, i feel this blog has motivated me to down the remainder of my coffee and get this day started.

cheerio.

wanting.

the older i get, the more vulnerable i feel to the world at large. i think mainly because the older i get, the less excuse i have to blame mistakes on my youth. also, as much as i'd like to think this isn't the case, the world is still pretty scary. my only remaining buffer is my parents, but with each year that buffer becomes thinner and thinner. how is it possible that people are out buying houses and having kids, and being successful? i feel like having enough money to buy a cup of coffee towards the end of my pay period is a victory.

am i doing what i want to do? no. i can barely remember what that is. i want so much. and i'm doing very little to get it. i want to work on the pottery wheel for about two weeks straight, and then open up a booth at the farmer's market to sell food, and then i'd like to get my doula certification, and then i'd like to write a book. and i'd love to fall in love at some point. here's the thing, i cannot even muster the energy to get out of bed without hitting the snooze button six times. i do not function until i have two industrial sized cups of coffee. and i haven't cleaned out my car in about 6 months. so i'm frustrated, i want want want. but i don't don't don't.

so. maybe this week, by next friday (february 18th) i would like to:

• email another doula to set up a coffee date (emailed a few in charlotte that never responded, let me know if you any in the area).
• clean out my car.
• write one blog.
• walk beulah three days.
• finish reading one of the 6 or so books i've started.

seems about right.

signing off now (to lay on the couch).

i should rest up for our monthly birthday dance party tomorrow night.

photos to come.