jimmy fallon--idiot boyfriend (this song was awesome circa 2002, my freshman year of college. i still know every word. and actually, it's still pretty funny).
many times i blog as an attempt to get you to feel whatever it is that i'm feeling.
as some of you know, i struggled with an eating disorder for about 5 years. last year, during my stay at remuda there were a limited number of cds for us to listen to, and 'add to the beauty' by sara groves was the one that i always chose to listen to. i bought it on iTunes last fall, several months after returning home, and to hear each song was like shedding all the layers of healing and being right back in that vulnerable and broken state.
it's odd how i see that time as so sweet. sweet is not the right word, rich. it was rich. and meaningful. a time to wrestle with the Lord, and lose. my thoughts about remuda and the women and staff that changed my life there are on my mind most of the time.
gosh. i just think about who i was when i went there. i was so mad. i wanted nothing to do with God. i thought that i could outrun Him.
the scripture from Genesis 32 seemed to follow me every where:
"So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. 25 When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob's hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. 26 Then the man said, "Let me go, for it is daybreak."
But Jacob replied, "I will not let you go unless you bless me."
27 The man asked him, "What is your name?"
"Jacob," he answered.
28 Then the man said, "Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, [e] because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome."
my roommates during my stay complained of me talking in my sleep during the night. after several nights they began realizing that i was praying in my sleep. evidently pleading with the Lord not to let me go.
so, tonight when i transferred a few iTunes purchases over to my new computer i got to listen to the sara groves cd for the first time in a while. i wanted to share it with you. it's nothing crazy ground breaking, but it's meaningful in my life. [hopefully it will work, it may not allow you to listen to it since it's an iTunes purchase..let me know].
sitting here at 10:30pm watching syndicated sex in the city. it's our nightly ritual, beulah insists. i think she's a samantha.
i picked up the motorcycle diaries at fred meyer the other night. it's at least the second time i've bought it, maybe the third. i hadn't watched it in several years, and watching it today i remembered why i keep buying it. there's not a lot i want to say about it, but if you haven't seen it, please give it a try. [also, i don't think there is anyone more charismatic than gael garcia bernal].
tomorrow brings a fun-filled day of the puyallup farmers market, batman, and beulah's first puppy class.
i don't think that i brag on him enough, because it almost seems prideful because he is so much apart of me. it's like bragging about my foot or my left eyebrow. i mean, i don't really have anything to do with how they turned out, my eyebrows and i just happened to grow up in the same house, much like jared and i.
all of this to say--i have the most talented brother(s) ever. we'll talk about josh another day.
jared is hilarious, creative, and generally the best guy i know. i thought i'd post a few things he has done lately, and a few links to some people who have started noticing his talent.
AFTERLIFE from Jared Hogan on Vimeo. Big Diction (Austin, Texas pop culture blog) found Jared's final film (for his junior year) after searching for balmorhea, and was impressed enough to post it on their blog.
also, balmorhea, a great band that jared has used to score a few movies, has noticed jared's films as well, and has posted two of them on their band's website.
okay, i think i've gotten it out of my system for now. love you jare. [also, i've only really spoken of his talents, not really about his heart, one of these days i'll get around to telling you how much he loves the Lord, but not today]
life is beginning to edge back into the 'normal' category, or maybe, more accurately, the enjoyable category. there has been some upheaval around here in the last month.
jared and maria coming and going all the girls leaving finding beu nick and jessi being gone
i have thought a lot in the last week about what living in community means, and how i become conditioned to having it and then losing it. whether it is camp, remuda, or any other intensive time of living and bonding with others, there always seems to be a serious let down after it's over. you build and build this home with others, only to have to move out and start from scratch and build a foundation with new people.
the difference with life now is that for the foreseeable future, i really have a chance to get comfortable in this home and this time in my life.
i think this week has reminded me of how thankful i am to be here, and how glad i am that life here is not short term.
