to my friend

(this, my friend, i'm sorry to say, is the only picture of the two of us on my computer taken on the morning after your slumber party last year)

dear jessi,

remember when i lived with you? in that yellow house? oh yeah, me too.

there are a lot of things i could write about you as a friend. people see the wisdom that is evident in your actions, and the love that is freely given to those around you (both far and near). that's easy to see. people admire the confidence with which you and nick walk this road you're walking, not because you have it all figured out, but because you don't.

i love all those things about you, yes. but here's what i want to talk about on your birthday. my favorite non-important, non-life-altering moments from living with you.

• how much you wanted to be in/plan faythe and jimmy's wedding
• you holding my cell phone ransom
• ice cream nights
• fights about LOST
• taking the girls to see baby mama, and you being so excited to drive. by yourself.
• your to-do list for me while y'all were in the carolinas.
• when we first started spinning class.
• any time we cooked something (your bday cake last year, thanksgiving, etc.)
• your interpretation of the 'so you think you can dance' dance from last season. and yes, it is still on my computer.
• anytime we'd have to be a team and go regulate with one of the girls (too soon? still too raw?)
• remember when i had to go to a certain girl's baby shower by myself. have we ever talked about how awful that one really was?
• you leaving a pregnancy test on my night stand while my parents were visiting.
• anytime one of those freaking cats would get in the house, and you would run around trying to corrall them.
• you puking on middle school volunteers (not on, i guess)
• ANY interview we did with potential girls (britney, me and faythe walking in in our pajamas)
• the morning after your birthday slumber party last year, playing trivial pursuit in the dungeon with you, nick, thadd and marilee. and the babies of course.
• lunch times with the connollys (amy's meals)
• trying to sneak in the musick's garage to get some diet coke
• bomb threat at h&m
• absolutely any time we talked about pregnancy questions during the weekly meetings.

part of me feels like i'm forgetting a lot of funny moments from the year, and the other part thinks maybe there weren't a whole ton of hilarious moments. BUT, i would not have lasted through it without you.

i hope you have a wonderful day today, I LOVVVVVEEEE YOU.

Favorite Women

I want to talk about a couple of things before the madness begins tomorrow.

NieNie.

It's been a year since I first heard/read about Stephanie Nielsen's plane crash, and I have been challenged and broken-hearted by her courage (her entire family's, truly). Tonight, after I realized I had forgotten to eat dinner, I sat down with my bowl of cereal and thought I'd check in and see if Nie had posted anything new on her blog. Here's the thing, Stephanie was burned over 80% of her body. Not only is that an incredibly difficult recovery from medical standpoint, but from an emotional one as well. Up until now she had not posted a picture of her new self (a new outside at least) on her blog.

When her page came up tonight, I gasped. Not because what I saw was shocking, but because what I saw was this woman I'd come to know over the last year. New. Changed. Alive. And achingly beautiful in tranperancy and bravery.

It may seem silly to say, but after praying for her over this year, I consider her my friend, and seeing her face tonight really blessed my heart (there's a button on my right sidebar to her blog).

I also need to talk about Jessi. In forty five minutes (east coast time) it will be her birthday. I thought a lot today about what I could or would want to say about my friend. But I am going to wait until tomorrow to write her a proper post. Because I've erased and rewritten like six things.

For now though, Happy Birthday Jessi!!!

Well

Here's the thing, I never want to write a blog that just blandly states what I do or did on a certain day, that's no fun for anyone. And seeing as my days are rigorously scheduled, my "updates" would look like a study in Stepford Wife-esque behavior.

So, sometimes I've got nothing, most of the time I've got nothing.

Like right now, I can't get the friggin cable to work, and I put the babies down for a nap, and should go down and clean up from breakfast, but nope, I'm sitting here on my phone, talking to you about how I have nothing to say.

I need some spice in my life (as cjane would say). Right now I would even settle for a spicy meal. Anything other than barbeque. (Jared, come get some of that stuff).

I'm in a rut, but not even a bad one, just a comfortable one.

And no, I don't think I need a boyfriend to come pick me up out of my rut, if that's what you were thinking (Jessi:)).

I need to discover some more time in my day, or find more energy somehow to liven things up.

I need to go join the Y, which I've been saying I'm going to do for a month.

I need someone to salvage my hair from the abyss of suckiness, and I need to..

I don't know, join a tribal dance class or something..or maybe I do just need a boyfriend. 

But, guitar players need not apply.

9,125 days (a photo essay)

this is what a 25 year old looks like brushing her teeth

today has been a terrific day already, thanks to friends and family.  woke up to several texts and sweet emails from YOU.  

yummmm

had a normal morning, dropped Beulah off at 'school' (that's right..), went to east boulevard starbucks, and got myself a bagel and some coffee.  

morning commute

got a hilarious message from my brother and sister-in-law (that's right, i call you that now, and have for several weeks).  

jessi wrote an amazing blog wishing me happy birthday, and gave me the BEST gift possible.  a shot of baby 3.  i cried.  

thank you, jess.

i've had a normal day with the babies.

my bosses.

i decided to pack them up and head to south park mall to treat myself to a nice little drink or maybe a new shirt or something.  (too bad i got in and couldn't find my debit card..had some cash, crisis sort of averted).  i drove up at the house, and found this:

2 strawberry and 2 red velvet:)

my parents sent me the sweetest little package of cupcakes!  

such a treat!

the babies are down for their nap (sort of..i hear you mr. b, don't play).  regular afternoon, and then take-out ethiopian food/blockbuster night with ally.  sweet day.  

thank you friends!

too much.

there is too much going on to even try to talk about it.  i feel like i have said the phrase 'too much' 50 times in the last few days.  

definitely too much food, too much decadence, way too much ice cream, and more mexican food than you can shake a stick at.  

as i sit here in our living room, my body is saying too much, and so is my heart.  tuesday is steadily nearing, and i can't quite figure it out.  i don't even want to be dramatic about this year coming to an end, but it's not just a year.  as much as i would want to try to explain what it is like to live here, and as funny as the stories can sometimes be, you just can't understand the intensity of this year, and the camaraderie it has taken to get through it (and the Jesus).  

talking about the connollys has merged into how i feel when i write about my brothers, they are so close to 'home' that it almost feels like i am being prideful when i talk about them.  so, talking about leaving, and not standing around in the kitchen together, just seems like too much.  

i'm not quite ready to do it, so please excuse my denial.  

currently

i have decided that i cannot use the delayed posting feature on blogger.  i end up thinking about it a few minutes before it's supposed to be published, and i cancel it.  not sure why?  i just always convince myself that it was stupid.

i packed up my first couple of boxes tonight.  and i finally plugged in my little ipod shuffle so it can charge, and so i can start making a killer road trip playlist.  though, i'm sure my dad will have his 'nanopod' as well, and we will be competing for air time, but that's okay because we have 42 hours of road to fill.  i am so looking forward to picking him up at the airport, and really looking forward to setting out across the country with my pop.  i know it is something we will always remember.  

a nice shot of wyoming 

after talking with kalle last night about their road trip out here last year, i got the crazy idea that we should buy a tent and camp out along our route about half of the time (and do hotels the other half).  i ran this idea by my dad and he just started laughing.  i'm not sure if he was laughing at the thought of me camping, or if he was laughing at the thought of him camping.  

growing up, we were not a camping type of family.  my parents just aren't into it.  i was telling jared today that dad might bring along a travel iron and ironing board and attempt to starch his shirts while we're camped out along the south dakota highway.  

also i am not pretending that i would be especially adept at the whole camping thing, but i'd like to try.  but after my dad stopped laughing when i suggested it, he said,

"um, let me think on that one for a day or two."  

  

today has been one of the nicest days i have had in a long time.  woke up early to a snuggle puppy, and then headed out to breakfast at portage bay cafe near UW.  kalle and i had been comparing notes for months on their menu, and how amazing their food is, so we finally met up there, and got to talk over coffee, omelets, and pancakes.  really sweet time.

vegan pancakes, topped with good things

came home and saw that sweet jess had planned a get together with some friends before i head out.  felt really loved.  

went outside in the sunshine and warm air, and played fetch with beulah, while texting back and forth with my brother while he was in class.  we talked about all the things we will get to do together in a few weeks, and laughed at the thought of dad and i sleeping in a tent.

forsythe park, savannah georgia

then i went upstairs and watched dvr'ed highlights of the bachelor from last night, as i had only seen the last 30 minutes of the after the final rose special.  the bachelor was maddening, but time on the bed with glory and jess was really nice.  then jess curled my hair using the flat iron.  i didn't know if it would work, but she made it work!  so now if i practice, maybe i can get it down.  

after that a really mellow afternoon, and then our newest girl, who is from mexico, and only speaks spanish, cooked an amazing dinner for us.  really and truly did this body some good.  

pretty much as of today, i am really not doing any new beginnings stuff.  really just focusing on moving, and it feels strange already.  like they're in the other room doing Bible study, and i feel like i'm playing hooky.  

i don't know, several people have asked me questions about how i am feeling about moving, or how prepared i am for certain aspects of it, and for the most part, i am totally unprepared.  and today, i just had to become okay with that.  i am getting there, and hopefully tomorrow another piece will be put in place, and then another one after that.  

i think i prepare as much as i can, and look for a job as earnestly as i can, but still be willing to step out even if it seems impossible.  really not sure at all what life will look like a month from now.  weird, huh?

jessicaABADONconnolly

don't you worry, i have a rebuttal.  

trinity theory

last night was a vintage new beginnings evening.  turkey burgers?  check.  girls asking why everything we eat is whole wheat?  check.  girls turning their noses up to things like avocados?  triple check.  

also, for the last few weeks, jess and i have been surviving each day with the knowledge that with the evening will come ice cream.  flavor is not really important, though, double fudge brownie, peanut butter cup, coffee, and cappuccino chip seem to be the actors in our little play.    let us not forget our hot fudge topping, vital as it is.  

so after our feast of turkey burgers, nick had gone out to study, which means ice cream in nick and jess' room, and theorizing on LOST.  now, neither of us intend to get into such passionate exchanges about john locke, that crazy time-warp-wheel-thing, or the second plane crash, it just happens.  

over the past several weeks, i have sinned.  i have not committed my heart fully to the LOST experience.  i have watched while puttering around the computer, or talked the entire episode.  i do repent, and i did fully accept a rebuke last night regarding my behavior.  

the dvr'ed version of LOST is both a blessing and a curse.  because every other scene, and many times 4 times per scene, i will stop it and suggest a ridiculous theory.  or just say something stupid, because i haven't been watching it closely the last few episodes. 

but last night, while jess was ironing her sheets (that's right, as nice as the sheets felt after ironing..come on, if i had to take one thing off of your list of things to do, that might be it), we came to a conclusion that could only come from a place of true divinity.  

God=Jacob

Jesus=John Locke

Holy Spirit=Smoke Monster (in our house, it is lovingly called the Pepper Monster)

on a separate note, i have taken for granted that creed and locke are indeed, long lost brothers. 

my top moments of the week

• some solid time with elias and glory on sunday morning.  
• hilarious house meeting on sunday night with all three girls.  lots of pregnancy questions, talk about 7-eleven, and promises from the girls to "be really, really good this week". 
• watching the bachelor with jess.  
• monday, we were able to get one of our girls into a really great doctor's office, which is awesome.  it was really sweet to see her treated well, and really come out of her shell some during the appointment, and generally in the house.
• our newest girl.  i never really know what is okay to share, and what's not.  but oh, do we have stories.  let's just say, she is an endless source of good stories.  AND she has never been to wendy's, taco bell, or subway.  
• tuesday, i had a doctor's appointment.  the lady i saw is one of the midwives that has worked with a few of our girls.  during the appointment the following was said, "well, you need to go ahead and find mr. right, and start having babies, because you only have about 10 more really fertile years".  listen, lady, i am surrounded by 'fertility' almost as much as you are, don't play, i get it.
• the pure excitement of postpartum roller skating, and trampoline jumping.  
• dentist visit in little vietnam.  really strange, and for some reason there were about 11 or 12 hole-in-the-wall dentist's offices within one block.  very strange, and i watched mr. rogers (in vietnamese), and he sang this song (for some reason he switched to english for this part): 

Some are fancy on the outside. 

Some are fancy on the inside. 

Everybody's fancy. 

Everybody's fine. 

Your body's fancy and so is mine. 

Boys are boys from the beginning. 

Girls are girls right from the start. 

Everybody's fancy. 

Everybody's fine. 

Your body's fancy and so is mine. 

Girls grow up to be the mommies. 

Boys grow up be the daddies.

Everybody's fancy. 

Everybody's fine. 

Your body's fancy and so is mine. 

I think you're a special person 

And I like your ins and outsides. 

Everbody's fancy. 

Everybody's fine. 

Your body's fancy and so is mine. 

• my first ever trip to pf changs with jess and kal.  it was exactly what i needed, and just really fun.  love them.  shout out to leigh and gray for the gift card!
• today, sitting here listening to our somali girl watching maury povich.  
• catching up on lost, and hopefully the office and 30 rock sometime today!
• and it's valentine's day, and i'm not even a little bitter about it.

 

strategic piles

jess and i headed up to seattle today.  and in spite of the rain, soaked shoes, and potential bomb threat evacuations, we had a great time.  

starting out here, for some northwest stocking stuffers

then on over to beecher's for some cheese.

up the hill to h&m

around the block to specialty's for a hot chocolate chip cookie (best you'll ever eat)

now, after a quick workout and finishing up my trip preparations with a target trip, i'm watching the biggest loser and slowly beginning to pack.  i have several large piles decorating my floor, clothes to take, clothes to leave, darks, lights, colors, towels, gifts, shoes, anything you could imagine, put into piles and waiting for the right time to be thrown in a suitcase, weighed (cross your fingers for less than fifty pounds), and tossed in an airplane, and off to the east coast.  

as jess says,

"orphans and widows are where it's at".  

read this.

ode to aladdin

five wishes--whattttuppppp

1. new home for my parents. they get to pick every detail.

2. get all the benefits of exercise without the actual effort. all those endorphins/results at the push of a button. ahhh.

3. limitless wardrobe/accessories. well, to narrow 'er down a bit, let's just say, all of anthropologie at my fingertips.

4. free travel.

5. to be in the very initial stage of loving someone. and know that it will last, well, forever.

now--i think today calls for a 30 second dance party.

green light--mstrkrft remix
get 'em high--kanye west and common

pick your song.
and go.

new beginnings ramblings

my favorite quotes/moments of our week--

"I think that it is our job as christians to support the abortion ministry."--host at the Adoption Ministry benefit (one of the several times he confused those words).

fenny and i going to church on sunday, and because of her kenyan accent and because her name is unusual, no one understood what she was saying when introduced. "nice to meet you, funny" happened a few times. after that, we decided to switch names, and from that point on, i introduced myself as fenny. and fenny was lauren.

this week i've really been trying to bring beu downstairs more often and make her more apart of the house. i'd taken her to vet, and he'd told me that i need to be more "dominating". so i came home guns blazing, and explained to everyone my plan for domination. after dinner, fenny was holding glor, and glory was playing with fenny's face and started slapping her. then fenny deadpans, "i think she is trying to dominate me".



this clip IS one of our girls. not even one degree of exaggeration. come over, you'll see.

during fenny's ultrasound, the technician said, "in case you were interested, the right ovary contributed to the pregnancy." fenny's response, "shame on that ovary".

on friday during jess' ultrasound, she sent me a text saying she was pregnant with quadruplets. elias i were playing at the time, and i called jess in a frenzy and told her to "shut the hell up". oops.

anna wants to name her firstborn "shequillia". say it outloud, yep, "shellkillya"

that brings us to today, there have been so many ridiculous comments from our first three girls (who are visiting today) that i don't even know where to start. most are pregnancy related, and most are gross. i'll steer clear of those, unless you little sickies want to hear them (you probably do).

hellacious and awesome.

i hate to exercise.  i do.  i usually find something i can semi-tolerate and do it for a few weeks and then gladly (gleefully, even) find something else to fill my time, like watching season three of project runway for the nineteenth time in my room.  

but i am here to tell you, something has possessed me this last month or so.  

jess and i went to our first spinning class right around the time they returned from their vacation at the end of july.  i hated it, i mean, i saw Jesus' face, and wanted to kill the lady with the neatly pinned back bangs yelling at us to stay on our bikes.  

jess did amazing and i was seconds away from flying over the handlebars.  it was bad.  those first few times were ugly.  but something happened between the soreness in my behind, and the ricky martin musical accompaniment:  i started to really get into it.  and felt really great during it and after it.  

so, at the risk of failure down the road, i am making my love/hate relationship with spinning public.  

there it is.  

new dreams and other things

just recently jess and kelly (a friend of jess' from charlotte, and a new friend of mine as well) started up a writing group.

one of our assignments was to write about our perfect day. i have tipped, turned and twisted this project a million different ways trying to find a perspective that made sense to me. i still haven't really figured out what a perfect day would look like, and i am fully aware that i am reading way too much into this project, and i think i will end up writing a very literal list of things that would make up a day i could really appreciate.


all of this to say, that this project has gotten me thinking about a possible new dream. my grandparents live in oklahoma. my grandfather is a savvy little business man. and i do mean little, he's about 97 lbs. not really, but maybe. after my time here at new beginnings i would really like to talk to my grandfather and see if he has a little plot of land that he'd want to give me, or even allow me to pay off over time.

i have no idea what the next few years will hold (obviously) but, when i think of having a few acres and building a house just big enough to live a quiet life, it seems really right, and exactly what i want. so i am mulling over these things.

or maybe i'll find an old place like this, and fix it up.

but yeah, i have grand visions of a really simple life. not sure what i would do for a job. maybe i would really just go full steam ahead and grow some veggies and get a potter's wheel, and become an actual gypsy. oh and a few horses, for sure.

when i left remuda last year, i really hoped one day that i'd be able to adopt the horse i had for equine therapy. his name was ernie, and i loved that smelly guy. many times i would almost be late for an appointment because ernie would see me walking down the path and come over to visit.

so, ernie, be warned, i'm comin' for you one of these days.

that's where my thoughts are taking me these days. for now, though, i am going to continue sitting on our deck thinking about what to make for dinner tonight.

love each of you, and maybe go ahead and book your tickets for oklahoma:)

jessi's happy birthday/writing mix

• the album leaf--twenty-two fourteen
  
• beirut--rhineland (heartland)
  
• cliff edwards--when you wish upon a star
  
• elliott smith--between the bars
  
• elmer berstein--boo who?
  
• iron&wine--love vigilantes
  
• joanna newsom--the book of right-on
  
• dances with wolves--score
  
• kate havnevik--nowhere warm
  
• bill withers--use me
  
• my morning jacket--hopefully (acoustic version)
  
• patty griffin--long road
  
• pete yorn--EZ
  
• rogue wave--salesman at the day of the parade
  
• rosie thomas--sell all my things
  
• sia--day too soon
  
• sigur ros--heysatan
  
• sun kil moon--exit does not exist
  
• pride and prejudice--darcy's letter
  
• sara groves--loving a person
  

just a crazy/hazy/mixed up mix that's fun and will hopefully help give you even more inspiration as your write!  love you very much.  can't wait to bake a cake with you today:)

ehhhh..keepin it real

in the last few days our house has been preoccupied with the photo booth feature of SB (my computer's name). video blogs have been made, hilarious versions of 'so you think you can dance' routines have been absolutely enjoyed and watched repeatedly.

we celebrated jess' birthday last night with a good ol' fashioned slumber party. it was so great. but i will tell you my favorite part of the whole thing. me, nick, jess, marilee, thadd, and rotating babies yelling out trivial pursuit questions and answers. it really brought me pure joy, and i do think that we should all live at a commune. (apparently in carnation).

now, let's talk olympics.

more specifically, let's talk this guy:

bob costas. i love him. i love anything he narrates, and i love when he does the background stories for olympic athletes. i have great memories of watching the '92 olympics in barcelona with my brothers--it seemed like it was on all summer.

maybe i'll ask him how he feels about communes in carnation?

same ol', same ol'

sitting here at 10:30pm watching syndicated sex in the city.  it's our nightly ritual, beulah insists.  i think she's a samantha.  

i picked up the motorcycle diaries at fred meyer the other night.  it's at least the second time i've bought it, maybe the third.  i hadn't watched it in several years, and watching it today i remembered why i keep buying it.  there's not a lot i want to say about it, but if you haven't seen it, please give it a try.  [also, i don't think there is anyone more charismatic than gael garcia bernal].  

tomorrow brings a fun-filled day of the puyallup farmers market, batman, and beulah's first puppy class.  

one more thing before bedtime.  

and...my job here is done.

the final list

• test drive a car, and make the salesman take a picture of me while in it.
• become an expert on the jerboa.
• enroll beu in an obedience class.
• write a book report on a children's book.  probably a 'box car children' book.
• create a soy peanut butter chocolate banana milkshake
• i will go to an area casino.
• write a poem using the word 'connolly', and find at least two rhyming words.
• photoshop jessi's face onto kim kardash..oh wait.  check that one off the list.

• i can also check the pilfering of a certain framed photo off my list. 
• teach the musick twins to sing "Low" by Flo Rida.  caleb on lead vocals, and josh on background vocals.
• flirt with one obscure man per week, three men total.  
• take a short roadtrip (idaho, here i come).
• work out 15 times in the next 3 weeks.
• i'm out.

all hopped up on oxycodin

there are lots of things i feel like saying right now.  and lots of reasons that i should not say them and go to bed, run to bed.  but, as a result of some nasty wisdom teeth worming their way through my gums, i took one of jessi's c-section pain pills, and now i am feeling pretty good about life AND my gums.  

i decided today that my life right now is very much like a 6 year old's during the summer.  i spend all day outside with no shoes on playing with a puppy.  this morning i got to hang out with elias and beulah and we played hard.  

the house is abuzz with preparation for the connollys trip back east.  i will be using this blog to brainstorm for activities during my 3 weeks alone:

• drive to rainier
  
• dog park/obedience classes for beu
  
• spend full days in tacoma exploring
  
• walk to puyallup several times a week
  
• possibly have to recover from wisdom teeth removal
  
• i know one or two days i will be watching the musick twins (that will be a series of posts all to itself, i am sure).
  
• spend a full day in fremont, because i love it.
• eat here.  
• maybe i'll take the twins to see Wall-E (i love me some pixar)
• drop my resume off here.

okay, so i have tried before to get people to come out of the woodwork and comment on my blog.  but for real, i covet your ideas for things to do for free for the next few weeks.  though, i am fully aware that no one is going to leave me ideas--i have no sway in the blog world.  i've come to terms with it.