pleading.

there have been times in my life when i have been alone. the kind of alone where you dream of people knowing you in that easy, silent way. where you don't have to get so much out on the table just to be comfortable sitting by each other quietly.

there have been times where i couldn't bring myself to try. to try to throw some bricks down on the foundation of a life i could be joyful about living. i would sleep through as much of the day as i could, just so the sun wouldn't be up anymore. so it would actually be acceptable to be in my bed. to pull the covers up over my face and hide from another day.

somewhere along the way all the windows and doors were opened, and it all got aired out. i plead for peace in my heart, and after a while all that pleading led somewhere. to peace, i guess. and a comfort in what i'm made up of, because i know what and who it is that makes me up.

at times, i still trip into that loneliness. and i lay there for a bit. and remember how it felt to actually be alone. but then i remember i can open up the windows by choice this time, because i remember the way out.

i call Him by name and He answers.

maybe all that pleading led to this life. a life full of people who can sit next to me when i'd rather be alone and not say anything, but say everything also.