Friday, February 27, 2009


don't you worry, i have a rebuttal.  

trinity theory

last night was a vintage new beginnings evening.  turkey burgers?  check.  girls asking why everything we eat is whole wheat?  check.  girls turning their noses up to things like avocados?  triple check.  

also, for the last few weeks, jess and i have been surviving each day with the knowledge that with the evening will come ice cream.  flavor is not really important, though, double fudge brownie, peanut butter cup, coffee, and cappuccino chip seem to be the actors in our little play.    let us not forget our hot fudge topping, vital as it is.  

so after our feast of turkey burgers, nick had gone out to study, which means ice cream in nick and jess' room, and theorizing on LOST.  now, neither of us intend to get into such passionate exchanges about john locke, that crazy time-warp-wheel-thing, or the second plane crash, it just happens.  

over the past several weeks, i have sinned.  i have not committed my heart fully to the LOST experience.  i have watched while puttering around the computer, or talked the entire episode.  i do repent, and i did fully accept a rebuke last night regarding my behavior.  

the dvr'ed version of LOST is both a blessing and a curse.  because every other scene, and many times 4 times per scene, i will stop it and suggest a ridiculous theory.  or just say something stupid, because i haven't been watching it closely the last few episodes. 

but last night, while jess was ironing her sheets (that's right, as nice as the sheets felt after ironing..come on, if i had to take one thing off of your list of things to do, that might be it), we came to a conclusion that could only come from a place of true divinity.  

Holy Spirit=Smoke Monster (in our house, it is lovingly called the Pepper Monster)

on a separate note, i have taken for granted that creed and locke are indeed, long lost brothers. 

Monday, February 23, 2009


well, i have to be honest.  i wasn't really able to watch the oscars in the way that i usually do, and have done since i was, ohhh 8.  so i did not even do my own homework assignment, though i did notice several occurrences of each of the items listed.  

not much to report today.  oh, well i guess i never talked about getting bitten in the face by a dog this weekend.  ha.  i guess i should mention that.  nothing too serious at all, just a nice little slice on my jawline.  it was a 'kindly' old dog from down the street who is deaf and old as dirt.  he was routing through our trash, and i knew he had to be lost, as he was about a quarter of a mile from home, and looks like he can barely walk.  that's right, i got taken by a geriatric dog.  i grabbed a leash and went outside to walk him back home.  i went about the process pretty slowly, just so he wouldn't be scared.  and after a few minutes, i bent over to attach the leash, and that's when he got me.  several quick snaps, and one connected.  i actually kept on walking him for a second, and then touched my face and realized it was bleeding.  i unhooked the leash, and went inside.

after a quick trip to urgent care, everything is fine.  and i'm quite thankful that after years of picking up flea-ridden animals that this is the first time this has happened.  and also very thankful that old yeller (yes, that was his name), was a BLESSED inch or two away from snagging the lip ring.  

(dry heave).  

Saturday, February 21, 2009

oscar time

i am ready for some overly decadent ice cream, pjs, and super-bowl-sized coverage of the oscars tomorrow.  i mean, really ready.  

the last few years, i have either written or printed out the ballot list and competed with friends to see who guesses the most categories correctly.  but this year, i think we should all do this:

it's real simple's oscar quiz.  

come on, it's fun, and this is not the type of thing where you have to know a lot about the nominated movies.  it's a pdf file, so print 'er out, and get back to me on how it goes.

in the meantime, get some popcorn or chocolate or whatever, and then get to work!

Thursday, February 19, 2009

considering events

"To consider persons and events and situations only in the light of their effect upon myself is to live on the doorstep of hell."  Thomas Merton

you know how when a significant event happens in life, everything is heightened.  it adds both clarity and confusion.  witnessing a birth feels so closely linked to the feelings of experiencing the death of someone around you.  you drive around wondering why everyone is so caught up in their trip to the grocery store.  but we still go and do.  all the time feeling like you want to scream and tell everyone that this is LIFE.  a whole person, with a whole lifetime of stories, and plans ahead of them is here.  a baby that was just with God, is now with us. 

that is beauty.  

a baby that a month ago, almost stayed with God forever, is now here.  and he is a brother, a son, and a nephew.  that is joy.  

so now, when life, and bad attitudes, and kitchens in shambles creep back into my consciousness, i pray for that clarity.  i pray that i would not make it about me or my schedule.  because God is here, and he is working, and i want to resist the pull of my own plans.  

thank you for weeks like this, Lord, and may i find your truth within them.  

Sunday, February 15, 2009

keeping away my lonesome blues

this morning on my way to church, i heard a song from joni mitchell's blue album.  that album was worn out in my little honda accord circa 2000-2002.  during those years, josh had already graduated, and jared and i rode together to school every day in my little honda.  we went to a private school that was about 20 minutes away from our house, so the rides back and forth provided a good bit of time to listen to whatever it was that we wanted to listen to.  

we would go for weeks listening to the same album in the morning and the afternoon.  sometimes it would be radiohead's ok computer, and there was a pete yorn phase as well.  during my senior year, my best friend in high school, jessica, and i finished up our final exams early, but had to stay close by to pick up our siblings when they got out of school.  we ended up going to see 'vanilla sky'.  by going, we knew that we would be late to pick up our siblings, but we figured we'd face that when we got back to school, and not worry about it ahead of time.  

so when we returned from the movie, and pulled up at school, her two siblings, and jared, were leaning up against her car, with the most disgusted looks on their faces.  those expressions only worsened when we informed them that we were an hour late because we'd decided to go see a movie.  

i'm thinking that jared and i fought on the way home, i can't really remember exactly what happened.  though, when i start thinking about us fighting in the car on the way home from school, i do have very specific memories of us actually hitting the crap out of each other while sitting at a stop sign.  and for that matter, we have a really long history of car fights. (i wasn't totally forthcoming in that entry, i was a screaming crazy person telling jared if he didn't quit snoring and help keep me awake that i would end him.  jared's poor friend still has a look of fear in his eyes if we ever run into each other, as a result).

anyway, in the middle of our probable fight, i told him i needed to stop by best buy and pick up the soundtrack from 'vanilla sky'.  he was already mad, why not just go for broke?  

i ran in and bought it, and that is probably the most influential cd that either of us ever got.  introducing us to mark kozelek of the red house painters, sigur ros, and jeff buckley.  

so, it's a normal hazy day here in puyallup, and i'm sitting here listening to joni mitchell, and realizing it's been eight years since i was in high school.  i like growing up, but i am sure there are many more car fights to come, and many more songs to accompany them.  

as many of you know,

i want to live on a farm.  now, i technically live on a farm now.  but, when i say farm, i mean acres upon acres, where i can let beulah run free.  where i can have cows and sheep, and a horse or two.  and maybe not even the cow and sheep.  maybe just beu and a horse. 

so, every now and then i search around a little on the internet for the type of farmland i would want.  i found a really good one, and i have been thinking about it all day.  here are some pictures, the quality is poor, but you'll get the idea.  

now, i just need to get to work to make it happen.

Friday, February 13, 2009

my top moments of the week

  • some solid time with elias and glory on sunday morning.  
  • hilarious house meeting on sunday night with all three girls.  lots of pregnancy questions, talk about 7-eleven, and promises from the girls to "be really, really good this week". 
  • watching the bachelor with jess.  
  • monday, we were able to get one of our girls into a really great doctor's office, which is awesome.  it was really sweet to see her treated well, and really come out of her shell some during the appointment, and generally in the house.
  • our newest girl.  i never really know what is okay to share, and what's not.  but oh, do we have stories.  let's just say, she is an endless source of good stories.  AND she has never been to wendy's, taco bell, or subway.  
  • tuesday, i had a doctor's appointment.  the lady i saw is one of the midwives that has worked with a few of our girls.  during the appointment the following was said, "well, you need to go ahead and find mr. right, and start having babies, because you only have about 10 more really fertile years".  listen, lady, i am surrounded by 'fertility' almost as much as you are, don't play, i get it.
  • the pure excitement of postpartum roller skating, and trampoline jumping.  
  • dentist visit in little vietnam.  really strange, and for some reason there were about 11 or 12 hole-in-the-wall dentist's offices within one block.  very strange, and i watched mr. rogers (in vietnamese), and he sang this song (for some reason he switched to english for this part): 
Some are fancy on the outside. 
Some are fancy on the inside. 
Everybody's fancy. 
Everybody's fine. 
Your body's fancy and so is mine. 

Boys are boys from the beginning. 
Girls are girls right from the start. 
Everybody's fancy. 
Everybody's fine. 
Your body's fancy and so is mine. 

Girls grow up to be the mommies. 
Boys grow up be the daddies.
Everybody's fancy. 
Everybody's fine. 
Your body's fancy and so is mine. 

I think you're a special person 
And I like your ins and outsides. 
Everbody's fancy. 
Everybody's fine. 
Your body's fancy and so is mine. 
  • my first ever trip to pf changs with jess and kal.  it was exactly what i needed, and just really fun.  love them.  shout out to leigh and gray for the gift card!
  • today, sitting here listening to our somali girl watching maury povich.  
  • catching up on lost, and hopefully the office and 30 rock sometime today!
  • and it's valentine's day, and i'm not even a little bitter about it.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

sitting and listening

a couple of weeks ago, nick and jess had just returned from the east coast.  jared called to remind me that some friends of his, the guys from balmorhea, were playing in seattle that night.  my first reaction was, ehh, seattle is far away, and i don't have money to spend on a ticket, etc.  jared promptly lied to me and told me that he had purchased me a ticket.  so, i let nick and jess know i was going out that night, and started to get really excited about getting out of puyallup, and after two weeks alone with the girls, a night out was very enticing.   

i got dressed and put on real people clothes (not workout chic clothing), put on makeup like i would if i were in the real world, and felt great about stopping to get some coffee on the way, and having some time to do something that i wanted to do.  like really, really great about it.  talked to some friends on the way up, and was enjoying the drive.   

as i hung up the phone, the honda i have been driving since i moved out here, started gyrating in ways that i was not accustomed to.  i promptly moved over to the right lane, just in case she decided to go on strike completely.  which she did.  i was totally unable to accelerate and coasted to the shoulder and went as far as i could (the whole time thinking, maybe if i just stay on the shoulder, just maybe i can make it the last few miles, please God).  i came to a stop, turned off the engine, and sat.  well, damn.  

i gave it a few minutes, and then tried to restart it.  as i turned the key, it sounded as if a chainsaw started underneath the hood, and seconds later, an explosion.  smoke everywhere.  double damn.  

at this point, i was crazy disappointed.  i was dressed, i was ready, and things weren't turning out how i'd hoped they would.  

several days later, jared told me that he actually hadn't gotten me a ticket, but instead had contacted balmorhea, let them know i was coming, and they had put me on their 'list'.  i found this hilarious, and felt a little silly, like a needy 'band girl'.  you all know the girl i am talking about.  

as a result of being on their 'list' they saw that i didn't show up i guess, or maybe jared just told them the breaking down story, a little hazy on this part, well whatever, they felt bad about me being on the side of the road instead of at the show, so they sent me a sweet little package, with a letter and one of their CDs.  

anyway, their name is balmorhea, they're from austin, texas, and jared has done a few things with them, like music videos, etc.  but they're awesome, really sweet, and send you things when your car breaks down:)

here's where to buy their stuff:

[also, nick came to get me off the side of the road, so thanks to him as well!]

Sunday, February 08, 2009

a good way to spend a sunday

sorry to be so vague on the last post.  after a pretty hard week, yesterday, one of our former 'tenants' and her boyfriend showed up at our house high on drugs, and i answered the door.  after a really bizarre few minutes, and nick coming out to help her, she left, but said she'd be back.  

it was very disconcerting, considering she had just been released from her third stay in the mental hospital, and she met her boyfriend while in the hospital.  i was sufficiently freaked out, and my teeth were chattering for like an hour after she left.  

we spent a good portion of our afternoon with our eyes on the window, waiting for her to show up, so we could call the cops.  long story short, everyone sort of went about their evenings after she didn't show up for a while, and i came back down and set up camp at the dining room table, just in case she showed up.  pretty much as soon as i sat down, i saw her headlights, and ran upstairs to let nick and jess know, so we could go ahead and call the police.  

her second visit was relatively uneventful, and she just packed up some stuff and left.  we never went outside.  

i'm at the point where i can laugh about it, as long as she doesn't show back up anytime soon.  

this is what i'm doing right now:

wall-e with this man.

it's official.

this has been the craziest week of my life.  hands effing down.  

Saturday, February 07, 2009


how did we get to february?  not sure, but i'll take it.  

feeling remarkably better since the last post.  we're pushing through, and i am pleased to say that it is friday and this week is almost over.  there is a lot going on here, and a baby is coming pretty soon, so that always adds a real feeling of expectation and excitement around the house.  well, that and potty training:)  good job, elias (and n&j).

move update:  i will be sending out letters this week asking for some transitional support.  i need to be pretty bold, and ask for what i need, so that's hard.  

a housing opportunity has come about, but a few details need to be banged out, so more on that later, if it happens.

and now, two songs from a fun little movie we rented this week:

devendra banhart:  lover
vampire weekend:  ottoman

k bye.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

it was my sin that held him there

part of me feels like i should not blog when i am too raw.  but, i am doing it anyway.  tonight, i am struggling.  since coming back from christmas, life has been tough.  i feel really overwhelmed with the idea of driving back across the country, and finding a place to live when i can't afford a cup of coffee.  how will this happen?  i'm not sure, but i feel compelled daily to stretch my little measure of faith bigger, bigger, bigger.  

things with the girls have been taxing and heavy.  getting heavier daily, actually.  so, right now, i am spent.  i need to say it out loud, i cannot do this.  this job, this life, this year. 

"How deep the Father's love for us 
How vast beyond all measure 
That He should give His only Son 
And make a wretch His treasure 
How great the pain of searing loss 
The Father turns His face away 
As wounds which mar the Chosen One 
Bring many sons to glory 

Behold the man upon the cross 
My sin upon His shoulder 
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice 
Call out among the scoffers 
It was my sin that held Him there 
Until it was accomplished 
His dying breath has brought me life 
I know that it is finished 

I will not boast in anything 
No gifts, no power, no wisdom 
But I will boast in Jesus Christ 
His death and resurrection 
Why should I gain from His reward 
I cannot give an answer 
But this I know with all my heart 
His wounds have paid my ransom"

Stuart Townsend

Monday, February 02, 2009

holy crap

i want to be this kid's friend.
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