Friday, July 30, 2010


"I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?"

-mary oliver

Monday, July 19, 2010


mondays are supposed to be my clean up days [most times they're sleep in/do nothing days]. i have moved all my furniture and pulled up the rugs. now vacuuming, washing, and baseboard wiping. when this mood settles on me, i am so thankful because it doesn't show its face much around here, so i take full advantage.

life is going smoothly lately. work is comfortable, and most days i even have a slight reserve of energy when i leave work.

have we discussed that i don't have a roommate anymore? maybe we haven't? my roommate moved out the night before i started my new job (in april). i find that when you have a pet, living by yourself is probably for the best. but, i also find that when you are an introvert, you need the accountability of a roommate, or you end up hibernating like a bear in the dead of winter. it's true. give me some netflix and mochi balls and i will set up my cave for days.

so living alone is both good, and..not all that great.

'cause knowing someone is on the other side of the wall when you go to sleep is comforting.

what else can i tell you? well, my chief complaint to the Lord lately, is wanting to be someone's 'ultimate priority'. i actually prayed to be that for someone the other day (ughh). as i was praying that, while driving, it was the most clear and quick answer i've ever heard from the Lord. i was just driving and complaining about having no one in my life that regarded me as their number one. so, i half prayed, half begged God to bring along my 'ultimate priority', and clear as a bell as i was driving down east seventh street, i heard, 'Never'.

and then all of it fell into place. ohhhhh right. i forgot for a second, Jesus is my ultimate priority, and i am His. i drop everything to spend time with Him, and He comes to my rescue on a bad day. why am i searching to replace Him?

i will only ever be disappointed.
what a job description.

so this week i've been retraining my heart to think in those terms. not easy, but i feel strength from the change of perspective already.

"I sought him, but found him not.
I will rise now and go about the city,
in the streets and in the squares;
I will seek him whom my soul loves.
I sought him, but found him not.
The watchmen found me
as they went about in the city.
"Have you seen him whom my soul loves?"
Scarcely had I passed them
when I found him whom my soul loves.
I held him, and would not let him go."

song of solomon 3:2-4

Tuesday, July 13, 2010


i have these friends, the connollys. any of you that happened to have stumbled upon this blog, probably came by way of jessi connolly's blog. we go way back, you see.

but those are stories for another day, and you probably already know most of the stories. here's what i want to talk about today.

two years ago, when i was living with the connollys in washington, the Lord really made it clear to them that they were supposed to plant a church in boston, massachusetts. i've been able to watch the Lord move to get them there, and i've also seen their hearts grow exponentially for the city. in the last two years, nick has finished seminary, and he and jessi have been figuring out timing for their move.

now is the time.

i will not, and do not pretend that many people read this blog. but i do know there are a couple of you out there, so i need you.

here are immediate needs:
  1. transitional funds for the connollys. while they are getting settled, and accustomed to the city, nick will be working at a local church in boston, and holding down a part time job, while jessi will be home with their 3 kids.
  2. prayers for the connollys logistically. this is a big move for anyone, much less a family with three very young children. prayers for the kids' hearts and that they feel secure and at home no matter where they are. and really, let's be honest, for the endurance of marathon runners for nick and jessi to get through the physical act of moving with three kids.
  3. their hearts for boston. that the Lord would speak to them and give them specific insight into the hearts and minds of the people there, even now.
  4. investors. long term, consistent investors in this ministry.
alright, so here's the thing. we have all read blogs like this, or gotten letters in the mail asking for financial help for different ministries. and aren't we all relieved to see the little box that you can check off to pray for someone instead of sending money? well, that's pretty crappy, huh? in a couple of ways.

prayer is not the passive option.
prayer is active.
so, i challenge you:
stretch yourself
tell others about gospel community
think about who you know who could invest
ask them
invest what you have
big or little
let God surprise you
give Him the chance to

let's be the church.

please tweet or use this as your facebook update:
"Be a catalyst for the gospel in Boston, from wherever you are:"

email me with any questions:

Monday, July 12, 2010

dear winns--

little bear, you are nine weeks old today! you and your family are on vacation, so i must write to you to relay my birthday wishes.

just a short year ago, no one even knew you, or even knew you were on your way. isn't that strange?

i don't have much wisdom to impart to you. but, when i think of you, i think of all the magical and special things you have ahead of you. and i mainly just want to protect that little winnie that is in you right now. the unaffected beauty that is so new and straight from Jesus.

yes, that is how i feel, like a protector of your newness.

i think when we get older that newness has a tendency to wear off, which can make us a little hard. i pray you'd always remember what gave you the most joy as a child, and that you'll be able to carry that through life with you. don't ever let anyone take those things from you.

so, as you keep growing i pray that your little mind and heart would know a greater love. you'll see how great the love of your mom and dad and family are. and it will be great. but i think your heart already knows the One that knit you up. hold on to that, you probably know Him more clearly and simply than any of us ever could.

so just hold on.

i love you. and i can't wait to watch your life unfold.

--auntie lo

Sunday, July 04, 2010

modine matters

after my nutritious breakfast of chips and guacamole, i turned on 'weeds' this morning, and was surprised to see my old friend matthew modine.

let's rewind. about a year ago, when i was still a nanny, the twins and i were playing outside in their driveway. they were pretty young, and at the age where the slightest breeze will send them tumbling head over heels. they loved to play the game where i would sit on the ground and both of them would run at me full speed. i'd catch them, and then release them to do it again and again. well, that afternoon, as jenna was running at me, she stumbled, tried to brace herself, but slammed her forehead on the concrete. it was a swollen goose egg within a few seconds. we iced it, gave her some baby tylenol, and called the parents. no answer. emailed. no answer.

finally 15 minutes later (30 minutes late to relieve me) the dad showed up and we headed to urgent care. when we arrived, the nurse kept referring to me as 'your wife' when speaking to nanny dad. the doctor only directed questions to me, and the kids refused to let their dad hold them.

oh help.

then after about 20 calls from nanny dad and me, nanny mom calls back, and i can hear her screaming at nanny dad asking why everyone had been calling her. nanny dad, who was/is the world's biggest pushover, manned up, and said, "your daughter is in the ER" and hung up. huzzah!

finally, we are checking out, and i'm herding bryson out the door while holding a banged up baby. i look up, and see matthew modine walking into the urgent care.

we make eye contact.
he compliments me on my beautiful son.
and beautiful family.

i stumble over my words, but before i can respond, he asks my opinion on the balloon boy (remember that?). i have no idea what i said. he and his publicist (or whoever) talk back and forth, mr. modine then pats jenna on the head (as if he's running for office), and continues on his way.

nanny dad and i walk out to the car, he says nothing, and i whisper, "he's famous."

lesson #1: i should've said, "i'm just the nanny, mr. modine"
lesson #2: always care more about inconsequential news stories.

because if i had done either of those, i mean, i'd probably be lauren modine right now, and have a nanny of my own and a bunch of step-kids.


i am charming.
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