maybe a little too vulnerable?

gosh, life is full these days. i have many jumbled thoughts and theories on where i am presently. i am deeply content with where the Lord has me, and a little stronger from the major gutting that my heart has undergone in the last few years.

alright, so let's be real here for a minute. i figure if i am going through something, maybe someone reading this is too. and i don't think christians talk about singleness (singlehood?) in a positive light, so let's work this out.

for the last few days, i've had a bit of a hard time feeling really unseen, like actually nonexistent to the opposite sex. these feelings make it easy for old thought patterns to spring up in me, which is not okay. then that insecurity gives me an urgency to change or fix my situation. change this part of myself that maybe isn't pleasing. lose 5 lbs. don't be so blunt. grow my hair out. get rid of that zit. don't talk so much. whatever it is.

as i have been really aware of these feelings and thought through them, i remembered something i prayed for a lot in college.

we had a speaker in chapel at some point in my time at north greenville who spoke about adam and eve (genesis 2). how the Lord placed adam in a "deep sleep" while He was creating eve, and didn't wake him until she was created, ready, and waiting for him. the speaker put that picture alongside song of solomon 2:7 which says, "daughters of jerusalem, i charge you, by the gazelles and by the does of the field, do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires". he encouraged us to stay in that "deep sleep" until it was evident that the Lord was waking us up.

that was such a clear picture and idea that i carried with me for years, and prayed that the Lord would keep me asleep until (or if) He has a mate for me.

i had totally forgotten about that.

this weekend, i was praying (read: complaining) and i remembered that prayer from college and felt a little stupid. i've been feeling unseen, forgotten, all that stuff. but is it the desire of the Lord for me to be attractive and winsome to a large audience? no. actually, no. that is my need for approval that is telling me i should be affirmed by joe schmohawk. i am just bored in the waiting, and feel like i need to be distracted, and that is not the heart of the Lord for me. to be pacified because i'm bored.

so, if we're being honest, i am a little annoyed with myself for praying that prayer so fervently. ha. but that's alright. at least i'm reminded i'm not even supposed to be seen yet. so, i'll stay asleep, and be thankful for remembering its purpose.

kiss

here you are: prince for the thursday lulllzzzz.

enjoy.

wow

i have been reading molly piper's blog for a while now. sadly, like many mommy/life/woman blogs, her's was born out of tragedy, or at least came to the forefront during a really sad time in their lives. molly is john piper's daughter-in-law. she and her husband lost their second baby, felicity a little over 2 years ago.

anyway, after seeing a tweet from john piper today saying something about molly's ultrasound, i checked her blog, and you just have to read it. i'll let it speak for itself.

sunday in the kitchen

shaking things up a bit, and writing on a different day than saturday. well, it's sunday, but at least i'm out of the saturday on the couch habit. right now, i'm making sunday morning breakfast.

i was just thinking that i miss living in a family. it's fun to wake up on a sunday morning and have everyone stumble out in their pajamas and have orange danish rolls from the pillsbury tube. i mean, think about it. as a kid, you get the benefits of family with none of the responsibility. but, i guess, you never realize that when you're a kid. you think the world is ending when your brother is playing video games and you're missing "little house on the prairie".

...no? that was just me?

anyway, i just made some eggs, cinnamon raisin whole wheat english muffin, and some coffee. i found an interesting recipe for whole wheat english muffins that i'd like to try. english muffins are fascinating to me. and seem like they might be difficult to get right. okay, so i threw some hummus and cheddar cheese in the eggs, and garlic of course, they're pretty good, but for some reason they came out tasting like fried chicken. odd?

let me tell you something about the garlic. over a month ago, laci and i went down to the farmers market by the airport. i bought an enormous bag of pre-peeled heads of garlic. none of the papery mess but you still get the satisfaction of slamming them to bits before chopping them up. i have been steadily using that garlic in ev-ery-thing. really. it's pathetic. not kidding when i say that i take that bag of garlic with me to people's houses. so weird and embarrassing, but i do. the other night i went down to ally's and we were making grilled cheese and tomato soup, and ally already had all the stuff, but when i stopped by my house, i grabbed that dang garlic hoping we could use it somehow. so, i walk in to ally's house with my pitiful bag of the smelly stuff. ally was confused and beulah was definitely embarrassed and i'm pretty sure she texted one of her friends and said something like, "OMG, you will NOT believe what my mom just did".

all that said, i may have hit my limit with garlic. i never thought that day would come, but here it is. you know it's bad when you're carrying your own garlic from place to place. i need to be cut off.

please know that this used to be in a large grocery sized plastic bag. whittled it down to a ziploc.

have a great week everyone! maybe i'll see you sometime this week on a non-saturday/sunday. did i mention my computer is broken?

it's not you, it's definitely me.

Dear Niece Baby,

we had a party for you last night. both of your grandmas were there, and lots of your mom and dad's friends. it was sweet and fun, and everyone is so excited to meet you.

you got lots of new clothes, so you'll never have that anxious 'what to wear' feeling when you're picking out your outfits in the morning:)

we all get to meet you in about 2 months. now to you i bet that feels like a long time, but it's really so soon! so you keep on growing and hanging out with your momma, and when the weather finally gets warm and nice, why don't you come out to play?

we love you so much already, and can't wait to learn who you are, and if you have curly hair? no hair? teddy's long eyelashes?

see you soon little bug!

auntie

(ps--sorry i don't take more pictures)