plans?

i've accomplished a few things this week. not necessarily what was on my to-do list, but they're accomplishments nonetheless.

i filed my taxes, and i have been dreaming of things to do with my return all week. too bad money doesn't go quite as far as my plans for it do. also, i sort of cleaned out my car, but not really. beulah has not really gotten walked, but i've taken her to the park and sat in the sun almost every day.

can we actually talk about something? i've been thinking a lot about what i'd like to get done by the time i am 30. for example, i'd like to own my own home by the big 3-0. i do not have a plan in place for this goal, but 2011 is the year. it should be said, that when i say home, i mean farm land somewhere in the carolinas.

also, here's the latest thought. i'm just going to say it, and then we'll talk implications. if i am not married (or in a legit relationship) by the time i'm 30, i am considering starting adoption paperwork. (!)

i can see anyone i know reading that and falling out on the floor. especially my parents. i am just thinking through things. there are so many ifs and maybes and things that would have to happen (or not happen) for me to get to that place, but i am allowing myself to go there. that situation is so sticky and complicated, and i don't know if i would feel good about knowlingly walking into raising a child without a father. at the same time, i think about all the children in the U.S. that need families. or about the 418,000+ children in the american foster care system.

i guess i just get scared of waiting around and wasting my younger years. you know?
so there's that.