ugh. i've been listening to bon iver's cover of bonnie rait's "i can't make you love me" on repeat all morning. he sang it on jimmy fallon a while back, and i can't stop listening to it. (click on above link).
i feel like i can go for weeks and even months walking through life asleep, coasting. waking up from those times is surprising. instead of feeling dull and numb, i am feeling a little shredded. in the way that makes you feel a spark.
all day on thursday, i was down. courtney had planned a prayer night at her house, and i didn't even know if i was up for making it. but, with age i have learned that making choices opposite to your emotions, is many (most) times the best choice you can make. so i went, fully prepared to cry and just be blah if i needed to be.
it was a small group of ladies that i love. as in, friends that i'm really sharing my every day with. friends that struggle through my tree filled yard and take my dog for the day so i'm not worried about her. friends that offer their homes to me in the middle of the night when a storm hits, and friends that love me through grumpy days and 40 hours a week of tough work environments and early mornings.
so there we sat,
and we talked about Jesus.
and there it was.
we talked about how to effect change without having any agenda or piety.
and talked about the parts of life that i'm so uncertain of.
it was like taking deep, full breaths.
the whole thing restarted my heart.
i think i forgot how much i love to talk about the Lord.
and how much i need to.