"you have given me the heritage of those who fear your name"

psalm 61:5

i just got off the phone with my dad.  

the last few days i have been walking through some muck.  i could easily blame it on hormones, etc.  but i don't think i'm going to.  it just sucks when you see yourself making mistakes/having wrong attitudes.  you know those days where no matter what you try to say or how you try to say it, it just comes out wonky?  i have just felt like one giant ball of wrong.  

but let's get back to my dad.  growing up, especially in my middle and high school years, my dad and i butted heads.  a lot.  i was mean and disrespectful, and hard to live with.  

despite these times, my dad and i would have moments of complete vulnerability and honesty that would totally change how we interacted.  for a little while.  

i don't know what the secret is to having a great relationship with your parents.  i don't know how you get through your teen years without dishonoring them or disrespecting them.  and i really don't know how you get through your adult life without laughing about them with your siblings.  

here's what i do know:

my Dad is the person that i respect most in this world.

my father has walked a road that i won't ever fully understand.  i have seen him hurt so many times because of hard choices he had to make.  he has always been willing to choose the Lord above whatever is easiest.  for all of those years that i caused your heart to hurt, or your mind to worry.  i am so deeply sorry.

it is because of you and Mom that i love the Lord.  you taught me how through your lives.  

so--even though it's been one of those weird weeks, talking to you, Dad, gave me perspective and a really basic joy about life. 

thank you for having the patience to teach and the courage to love.  

love you Pop.