stand on the ol' plateau

i have this new job. it's going well. but i find that when i'm done at 5pm, i can't be around people. this is new to me. my old job was so isolated that i practically ran to every social function i could after work. now, i just want to hide in a cave and watch netflix. i am a true introvert. i have to recharge by myself. so being around people all day long fulfills my complete need for social interaction, and i'm like a depleted battery by the time i get home.

and so i sit quietly and stare straight ahead.

this is an odd shift, and i haven't quite figured it out yet. but really, most nights, i'm a mute. i've talked all day. i have nothing left.

more staring.

i feel like my social reservoir will grow back soon, but i'm just allowing myself this time to retreat. no more 60hr a week job, no more part time weekend job, taking a break from volunteering and leading and going to community groups. take a deep breath, and reassess. really scaling back on my busyness.

in other news, i am officially an auntie. as of monday, may 10, 2010 at 4:31pm, my niece, winnie eloise hogan came bursting onto the scene. we are in love. maria is a beautiful amazing mom already. i want to be like her. jared is doing great, and their little fam is knitting itself together for the times ahead.

when i look at pictures of winnie (a thousand times at work during the day), it is the most bizarre thing. i see jared and my dad, and maria's chin. and certain pictures actually make me gasp, because it's like this deja vu feeling. has anyone else ever felt like that about a baby? like, i know you from..somewhere. you little baby, you.

i know if you follow any of us on twitter, you've seen pictures, but can i interest you in a few more?

me, ri, and beu on my birthday, and two days before winnie's birthday

she's here!

grandmas

poppa

meeting her

and this one..i don't even know what to say.

winnie--2 days old.

that's all for now. oh, i found a sweet dresser on the side of the road last night. i'm gonna try to make it awesome. fyi, picking up furniture off the side of the road is much harder now that i drive a civic. just sayin'.

mothers-daughters-granddaughters

so, it's mother's day 2010. yesterday was my 26th birthday. i worked during the day, and met my family at the park by my house. we ate, laid on a blanket and threw the ball for beulah. it was perfect.

i got flowers, and my parents brought some of my grandmother's plates i'd been wanting that are now displayed in my house. i'm washing clothes and sheets and getting ready for visitors. just got off the phone with my mom, and we talked about tomorrow, and how fun it will be next year to celebrate my birthday, mother's day, and ______'s birthday (baby girl hogan) all within a few days.

i figure this little girl's birth is most exciting thing to happen in my life, only second to having my own child/getting married. so much joy, it's paralyzing. jared and maria as dad and mom. christmases with a baby. getting to be her auntie and living in the same city. or when she gets older, making cookies together, and she and beulah being buddies and running around the park together.

when you think about how much joy there is in the birth of a child, it feels too overwhelming. because it is the beginning of everything. every single thing for her. we can tell her stories about today, and yesterday, and how we thought about her, and discussed at length whose eyelashes she'd have.

so, our family is growing, and it will be terrific. i covet your prayers for maria, jared, and baby over the next few days. pictures to come:)

write your mercy here

my big dream

today is my new weekend. mondays, i feel, are soon to be my favorite day of the week. today i am cleaning my house from top to bottom. with a baby soon to be joining us, that means grandparents will be joining me here on bay street. washing sheets, windexing, and cometing every surface. ahhhh, what a good feeling to go into the week with clean clothes and countertops.

i started my new job this week, sometimes i wish there wasn't so much to learn-- all the time. i'm realizing something, my whole life right now feels like a new job. exciting, overwhelming, and a little like i don't know where to stand so i'm not in the way of everyone else doing their job (life) with such clear purpose.

i'm thankful for a learning curve (grace) in life and in work.