come up for air

i am not sure. really, about anything. i am five years into this whole paying bills, being an adult thing. and boy, it's been trial by fire. i wouldn't say there is anything i have figured out, well, besides don't buy something extravagant and think the rent will pay itself (it won't, surprising, huh?), and also, the electric company doesn't care if you don't have electricity, so pay that too. don't get whatever stupid thing you think you need, pay for your lights first.

that's pretty much the extent of my financial education.

but i'll tell ya, it's a funny thing to realize that this is it. i am a grown up.

expectations are dangerous for me. i suppose they are for everyone, because not communicating expectations to friends, family, coworkers etc., can be the root of much strife in relationships (my opinion), or maybe having them at all is the problem. i think i even wrote about this not long ago, that my expectations for the holiday season are set high. and i am always disappointed, not because anything went wrong, but because i had a vision, but life still ended up being life, and nothing was neat, and every moment wasn't cozy and warm.

but some were, and there were slices of time where my expectations were met--mixed in with the reality of a world where we say mean things sometimes, and we have habits that are hard to break. and attitudes that aren't always full of holiday cheer (read: holy spirit).

if i measured my life up against my hopes and expectations for where i'd be right now, maybe it would be a let down. maybe? but expectations, like hopes, can turn on a dime. and right now, my expectations for life are pretty simple. give away as much love as i can to those that surround me. see what happens when i try to stop feeling entitled to anything. that's a start, anyway.

picture is linked to a really interesting book by spurgeon called "the minister's fainting fits", which talks about depression and discouragement in ministry. quality.