Monday, July 19, 2010

corrections.

mondays are supposed to be my clean up days [most times they're sleep in/do nothing days]. i have moved all my furniture and pulled up the rugs. now vacuuming, washing, and baseboard wiping. when this mood settles on me, i am so thankful because it doesn't show its face much around here, so i take full advantage.

life is going smoothly lately. work is comfortable, and most days i even have a slight reserve of energy when i leave work.

have we discussed that i don't have a roommate anymore? maybe we haven't? my roommate moved out the night before i started my new job (in april). i find that when you have a pet, living by yourself is probably for the best. but, i also find that when you are an introvert, you need the accountability of a roommate, or you end up hibernating like a bear in the dead of winter. it's true. give me some netflix and mochi balls and i will set up my cave for days.

so living alone is both good, and..not all that great.

'cause knowing someone is on the other side of the wall when you go to sleep is comforting.

what else can i tell you? well, my chief complaint to the Lord lately, is wanting to be someone's 'ultimate priority'. i actually prayed to be that for someone the other day (ughh). as i was praying that, while driving, it was the most clear and quick answer i've ever heard from the Lord. i was just driving and complaining about having no one in my life that regarded me as their number one. so, i half prayed, half begged God to bring along my 'ultimate priority', and clear as a bell as i was driving down east seventh street, i heard, 'Never'.

and then all of it fell into place. ohhhhh right. i forgot for a second, Jesus is my ultimate priority, and i am His. i drop everything to spend time with Him, and He comes to my rescue on a bad day. why am i searching to replace Him?

i will only ever be disappointed.
sheesh.
what a job description.

so this week i've been retraining my heart to think in those terms. not easy, but i feel strength from the change of perspective already.

"I sought him, but found him not.
I will rise now and go about the city,
in the streets and in the squares;
I will seek him whom my soul loves.
I sought him, but found him not.
The watchmen found me
as they went about in the city.
"Have you seen him whom my soul loves?"
Scarcely had I passed them
when I found him whom my soul loves.
I held him, and would not let him go."

song of solomon 3:2-4

7 comments:

Jessi said...

I like this. I wish I'd had a moment like that before getting married where I realized that I'd never be someone's ultimate priority. Getting to that now will be so much more helpful when you're someone's worldy-ultimate-priority.

bleusmon said...

This is true. In marriage and romance relationships couples often (usually) see each other as total fulfilling of one another. This is a set-up for failure, not only because that role belongs exclusivley to God but also because in our fallen ways we will never be able to fully satisfy each other. In fact, we will inevitably disappoint each other at times in that attempt to be who only God can be.

Jesus belongs at the center and as the foundation of every marriage, beginning early in its formation as a new romantic relationship. With both spouses-to-be seeing Him as their be-all and end-all, only then can this disappointment be avoided.

Susan Hogan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Susan Hogan said...

Young women, one of whom is my darling daughter, I still need to be reminded of this after almost 31 wonderful years of marriage. Thank you. Jesus is the only one who knows us completely and is able to fill those deep places of the heart with his love and understanding. I so need to remember not to expect my husband, as great as he is, to fill those places that only God can fill. It takes a lot of pressure off of the relationship. I needed to hear that today!

Raechel said...

love ya lauren. you're in my list of ultimate priorities.

Christopher said...

Hey Lauren! Nice post. For some reason this really is one of the hardest things to keep in mind.

Baccarat Probability said...

I refuse.

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