another saturday on the couch

eek. saturday again. i just woke up from a nap, and it's dark in our apartment. i slept in my wedding shower clothes, and i'm not sure why. we got to celebrate raech today, which was really great. she has been such a great part of my life here in charlotte. have i told you that we met at remuda ranch? and there is such a sweetness to that aspect of our relationship. like, i sort of just want to go hug her right now, and also thank God for knowing how special it'd be to have a friend in my life that shared that experience.

i'm drinking a little coffee to wake me up for girl time tonight. also, caedmon's call is playing. what a throw back that is. sheesh. i remember looooving them so much in middle and high school. and for some reason any time i hear them now, i picture my freshmen english classroom. weird, huh? i've heard a lot of friends talking lately about how they'd do high school differently now. it's probably because we're quickly approaching our 10 year reunion. maybe.

let me be honest here for a second. i'm not over high school. i've been able to overcome a lot of insecurities in the 10 years since i walked high school halls, but i break into a sweat just thinking about P.E. class or the cafeteria (ack!!!). that's for real, guys.

maybe i need to go to my 10 year reunion just to face that fear? thoughts? (it's still 2 years away..)

march is almost here, and 2010 is just plugging along. so far so good, i think. how has y'alls year been so far? tell me things. i can't tell you to write or blog more, because i have been bad about it lately. well, for a while now. i think i'll treasure these little snippets in the future. not life changing, but a time capsule of my life now.

after thinking about my high school reunion and how much i don't want to go, i think i should make a to-do list of scary things. public speaking, high school reunions, karaoke, stand up comedy, you know horrific things like that. and then do them:)

happy almost spring!!!

consecration and cars

I have been attempting to write for some time, but just have not been able to wrap my brain around it. But, Saturday mornings always help sort things out for me. A little bacon and lingering time over coffee are capable of great things in my life.

This week has been long. Long, but purposeful. The funny thing is, I'm not totally sure of its purpose yet. That's why it's been tough to update you, because I'm smack in the middle of untangling the 27 different things that I feel like the Lord is teaching me about the events of this week alone.

A couple of weeks ago, I asked you all for prayer for reliable transportation, and I was so excited to share with you about how the Lord provided. A few days after I got my new car, it was broken into while I was at church.

When I walked out and saw it, I was just really sad. And this is where I'm still working all this out and asking God to teach me, because how do you remain thankful and responsible for the gifts He's given you, wihthout holding on to them too tight? I feel so thankful for his provision that I want to take care of it well. You know, be a good steward (and all those other Sunday school words).

But this week, I've found myself thinking selfish and materialistic things about my car being broken into. I wasn't sinned against. How could I have been? If I truly believed the Lord gave me this car, then this is not a crime against me.

The implications of that are huge, though. Like knowing that we ourselves are not our own, so when we are sinned against, being offended is pretty pointless. Because as my Creator, he is also my defender, and what He provides is his to defend. From cars to jobs, to a husband or my family.

So, I wouldn't call this week 'fun', but gosh, it has stretched and challenged me to keep my hands open in all areas of my life.

butch

i cannot sleep. it's now 11:06pm on tuesday. this has been the nuttiest day. i spent the first half of my day praying and walking beulah and getting ready for my parents to come up so we could go look at cars.

i'm writing this now because i don't want to forget anything about today. i received so many texts and emails letting me know that you were praying. thank you.

as my dad and i walked around the lot, my mom brought a salesmen over named butch. he wasn't a swindler, wasn't high pressure, just a good ol' north carolina man. we all talked easily and as the day went on, we all really came to like this butch guy. in between phone calls and financing negotiations he sort of 'accidentally' shared that he and his wife had separated a few months ago, he continued to talk and his voice cracked and he tried to control it, but couldn't. and started to cry right there in his little cubicle.

the three of us sat and listened. i don't think anyone had listened to that man in a long time. as quick as it began, it was over, and we went on about the business of buying a car. we spent about 6 hours at the dealership today, and got to know ol' butch pretty well by the end of things. as we were leaving, he told my parents he'd be sure to take care of me anytime my car needed to be serviced, and that they shouldn't worry. he slipped an envelope in my dad's hand and we all went our separate ways.

my parents called me on the way home, and read me the note that butch had written. he said he believed that Lord had brought us there today, and that he was so thankful for our kindness and willingness to listen to his broken heart.

we walked onto the lot this afternoon needing favor, and he had walked into work this morning needing someone to listen. and the Lord provided for both of us today.

in the middle

i am at home at 9:54am on a tuesday. i have had the last few days off (the twins are on a trip with their grandma), and i'm thankful for that because my car finally decided to bite the dust yesterday. in the middle of 3rd street during rush hour, with beulah in the car (at least it didn't happen with the twins in the car, thank you Jesus). thinking about attempting life without a car is..interesting. in the grand scheme of life, this is such a tiny problem, i know that. but right now, this feels like an insurmountable mountain of a problem.

can i tell you a secret? in situations like this, when an issue is not life or death, a little part of me gets excited. because in my mind, there seems to be no solution. but God is at work on my behalf. i have to believe that.

gosh, this sounds so over-spiritual, but He has taught me so much through this car thing. trying to be faithful to keep up my car as well as i possibly can has felt like i am investing in nothing, and i have rebelled many times feeling like i shouldn't have to change a tire, or check my oil, or put a new hose on my crank case ventilator (might have gotten the name of that one wrong..). but He is teaching me faithfulness. and He is teaching me to check my pride on what i think i deserve.

so, i'm sitting here on my bed, praying for a solution, His solution. because His ideas are greater, and His provision is better than what i could run around and try to work out on my own.

get excited, because His answer will come. not just about a car, or about a job, but about the big things too. illness or marital problems, death or infertility. His answer is coming for you, too. so we will continue sowing seeds of faithfulness, and wait on His solution.

because how much better is that?

tuesday

a smorgasbord of stuff headed your way:

1. i need to start baking artisan bread. i've been meaning to do this for months. here is the best recipe (click here).
2. i would also like to start making granola that will last me for a week of breakfasts. HERE is the best recipe for that.
3. i've found my favorite chocolate chip cookie recipe (for the time being). i add a little sea salt (yummmm). if you want this top secret recipe, you have to ask:) this one's too good to let go so easily.
4. tonight is LOST party. yeah! if you have a LOST party of your own, or want something quick and easy to make for the super bowl, THIS is my favorite dip and it takes about five minutes start to finish.

the end.

happy lost watching:)