not so great expectations

this past weekend, i watched a movie called 'last chance harvey'.  i had wanted to see it for a while, 

and towards the end of the movie, emma thompson says,

"I think it's actually easier for me to be disappointed. 

I think I'm actually angry at you for trying to take that away."

as soon as she said it, i realized how true that is for me, as well. probably in multiple areas 

of my life, but definitely in the area of relationships. i set myself up for disappointment, i 

expect it, and when i am disappointed, i feel entitled to feel sorry for myself, and tell myself 

that this is just my lot in life. but, if God forbid, someone does meet my needs, i want to hide, 

because i know the longer it lasts, the harder it will be when they do disappoint me.

yesterday in church we talked about risks versus security, and how we long for increased 

security and reduced risk. but how God encourages us to reduce our security and increase the 

risk in our lives, which will cause increased faith in Him.

as easy as it is for me to feel 'let down' by the state of my singleness at 25 (being real here, 

people), i'm just not sure what good my disappointment is going to do me anymore?

i have been challenged to expect more, risk more, and as a result, love more. and when 

someone does come along to steal my disappointment, hopefully i'll be ready to let

it go.