fantasy five year plan

i am currently sitting on the couch with the kids (i think they've graduated from 'babies', they're BIG). we're watching flo rida on the today show, because, you know, i like to keep them educated on all things hip hop. not really, but i am trying to keep them from hitting a wall, for there shall be no morning nap.

so here we sit.

this morning on the way in to work, i was thinking about what i want the next five years to look like. it's easy to live day to day, and not think about the long term. but i am really trying to get my finances together, and hope to take a class on finances this fall. but my lofty, five year goal, is to buy a house.

yesterday i was looking at farms for sale, and i had fun envisioning how i would change it, and make it amazing.

[time out for the actual biggest fit in history, deep breath, and continue].

so here's my latest find:

100 year old farmhouse, about 45 minutes north of charlotte. it's on a little over 5 acres.

look! it has a canning shed behind the house.

part of the pasture and there's a barn out there, too.

there are pictures from inside the house that i'll have to show you another time. but anyway, there's another house to dream about. you guys can pray for me in that area, that i will really get things in order and grow up when it comes to saving and being wise about finances. i am making a turn around. a big one. so maybe this won't always be a fantasy.

love you, and i hope you have a great weekend. for now, here's what i'm doing right now:

started out fine,

there it is

ooph.

ummmm

excuse me

they both joined in..

happppy friday!

i love these nuts.

bonus.

being a nanny gives me glimpses of what my future may look like.  what i hope my future will look like.  [me ever finding a quirky-doesn't-take-himself-too-seriously-Jesus-follower-that thinks-i'm-the-greatest kinda guy is seeming more impossible, but i'm keeping hope alive, and that's another post, for another time].  

i ventured out with the babes today, like we do most days.  things are getting more complicated though, the hotter it gets here in charlotte.  and shuttling two babies in and out of the car in the heat will make you want to die.  not even to mention the double stroller.  seen here:

this thing will own you. 

the other day, all i wanted was a passion tea from starbucks while we were out, but actually couldn't fathom doing the whole in/out of the car scenario one more time that day.  my shirt was already stuck to my back from the last twin load up.  in desperation i turned to twitter, to see if anyone knew of a starbucks drive thru, no luck.  

moving on, today i met my roommate emily, maria, and jared at cabo fish taco.  i'd never been there, and should have done a little more research, because that place is not baby friendly.  

it all started with the stroller getting stuck trying to get through the front door, and it didn't help things when i knocked my entire glass of water all over baby 2.  like a rushing wave of water directly in her lap.  she cried, and was soaked for the rest of lunch, but we survived.  

none of us talked to each other the entire lunch, we just watched them make funny faces, and steal food from my plate when i wasn't looking.  but that's okay, because they're so awesome.  and they're not even my babies.  most days being with them just makes me excited to love someone enough to marry them, and then we get to have these fun little things together? bonus.  big bonus.  

the future looks fun, and in those dreams, i won't clock out at 5:45pm:)  

not so great expectations

this past weekend, i watched a movie called 'last chance harvey'.  i had wanted to see it for a while, 

and towards the end of the movie, emma thompson says,

"I think it's actually easier for me to be disappointed. 

I think I'm actually angry at you for trying to take that away."

as soon as she said it, i realized how true that is for me, as well. probably in multiple areas 

of my life, but definitely in the area of relationships. i set myself up for disappointment, i 

expect it, and when i am disappointed, i feel entitled to feel sorry for myself, and tell myself 

that this is just my lot in life. but, if God forbid, someone does meet my needs, i want to hide, 

because i know the longer it lasts, the harder it will be when they do disappoint me.

yesterday in church we talked about risks versus security, and how we long for increased 

security and reduced risk. but how God encourages us to reduce our security and increase the 

risk in our lives, which will cause increased faith in Him.

as easy as it is for me to feel 'let down' by the state of my singleness at 25 (being real here, 

people), i'm just not sure what good my disappointment is going to do me anymore?

i have been challenged to expect more, risk more, and as a result, love more. and when 

someone does come along to steal my disappointment, hopefully i'll be ready to let

it go.

as many of you know,

i want to live on a farm.  now, i technically live on a farm now.  but, when i say farm, i mean acres upon acres, where i can let beulah run free.  where i can have cows and sheep, and a horse or two.  and maybe not even the cow and sheep.  maybe just beu and a horse. 

so, every now and then i search around a little on the internet for the type of farmland i would want.  i found a really good one, and i have been thinking about it all day.  here are some pictures, the quality is poor, but you'll get the idea.  

now, i just need to get to work to make it happen.

new dreams and other things

just recently jess and kelly (a friend of jess' from charlotte, and a new friend of mine as well) started up a writing group.

one of our assignments was to write about our perfect day. i have tipped, turned and twisted this project a million different ways trying to find a perspective that made sense to me. i still haven't really figured out what a perfect day would look like, and i am fully aware that i am reading way too much into this project, and i think i will end up writing a very literal list of things that would make up a day i could really appreciate.


all of this to say, that this project has gotten me thinking about a possible new dream. my grandparents live in oklahoma. my grandfather is a savvy little business man. and i do mean little, he's about 97 lbs. not really, but maybe. after my time here at new beginnings i would really like to talk to my grandfather and see if he has a little plot of land that he'd want to give me, or even allow me to pay off over time.

i have no idea what the next few years will hold (obviously) but, when i think of having a few acres and building a house just big enough to live a quiet life, it seems really right, and exactly what i want. so i am mulling over these things.

or maybe i'll find an old place like this, and fix it up.

but yeah, i have grand visions of a really simple life. not sure what i would do for a job. maybe i would really just go full steam ahead and grow some veggies and get a potter's wheel, and become an actual gypsy. oh and a few horses, for sure.

when i left remuda last year, i really hoped one day that i'd be able to adopt the horse i had for equine therapy. his name was ernie, and i loved that smelly guy. many times i would almost be late for an appointment because ernie would see me walking down the path and come over to visit.

so, ernie, be warned, i'm comin' for you one of these days.

that's where my thoughts are taking me these days. for now, though, i am going to continue sitting on our deck thinking about what to make for dinner tonight.

love each of you, and maybe go ahead and book your tickets for oklahoma:)