a little heavy hearted

today i feel bogged down. just like there is a LOT going on. and to be honest, a lot of spiritual warfare stuff happening. like that feeling of needless worry, darkness, and anxiety. but also of hope and expectation.

i've been put in situations in the last few weeks where i have the opportunity to speak truth. but it's hard because i have the opportunity to speak truth about things that i am currently struggling with, or have struggled with in the past. in the midst of those opportunities i am convinced that i am an impostor, and that i am in no position to speak truth, and have even belittled the healing that has taken place in my life, because i'm scared that i will mess up in the future, and that someone will be there and say, "HA! i thought you said you were healed".

and i know none of these thoughts are coincidental. part of me runs from phrases like "spiritual warfare" because of ways i've seen people abuse the notion in the past. they've made it an excuse for emotional fanfare. but here is the reality, when you get involved and become apart of something that is changing lives, there will be a force that works against you.

so today, right now, i feel equal parts excited and ready to fight.

all of this said, i also covet your prayers for my church and all of the staff and families in the next few days. saturday/sunday are huge days for elevation. the anticipation is thick and tangible. please pray for protection and rest for everyone gearing up for this weekend.

it's been a long time since i've been this excited about church.