is it best?

sometimes i rebuy albums. like just now, i rebought david gray's lost songs. when i was 15, i clung to music for dear life. i remember buying coldplay's parachutes and david gray's white ladder on the same best buy run. i also remember those 2 albums changing the way i listened to music, and leading to other high school favorites like the strokes and travis and rufus wainwright. i found identity in those lyrics and maybe a bit of pretentiousness (maybe not a word..?) in knowing no one else at my little private school knew or cared about these groups.

i wrote a while back about how it made me feel to listen to joni mitchell's blue album after not listening to it for a few years, and my experience this morning is similar. listening to these songs again, i feel what it felt like to be 15, 16, 17. remember how when you're young you drive around just to listen to music? there'd be a new mix for almost any car ride. i knew the music backwards and forwards, inside and out, so much so, that hearing it now makes me emotional for every moment that was spent with this playing in the background.

this morning, i'm feeling it. it's a hard day at work. and listening to david gray is making me think.

the kids are out of sorts, and we're not back in the groove yet after our holiday break. i know that loneliness is a struggle for everyone, married or single, parents or the childless, this i know. it's easy to blame our discontent on whatever stage of life we are in. but that's not really what is to blame. my loneliness right now is more about not seeking the Lord with the intensity that i should, than it is about not having a man in my life. maybe your loneliness is about not serving and loving your spouse the way you should, or maybe your kids are teenagers now and life feels different, and they don't need you as much. whatever. people and loved ones can only do so much for our hearts.

easy to forget that though.

i don't often write about what i'm reading in the Bible, because truthfully, what God is teaching me is never quite as relevant and exciting to others as it is to me, but this morning during my 'lay around time' [[raechel's lay around time definition: get up, start coffee, get a book, Bible, blanket and just survive until the coffee is ready, and drink the entire pot. been doing this for two days now instead of rolling out of bed and walking to my car. so far so good. just have to wake up at 5am to do it..]] i was reading in 1 corinthians and was so encouraged by the words i read. i swear they were a little too poignant.

"And don't be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life." 1 corinthians 7:17

WHAT. woosh, okay, let's keep going.

"All of you, slave and free both, were once held hostage in a sinful society. Then a huge sum was paid out for your ransom. So please don't, out of old habit, slip back into being or doing what everyone else tells you. Friends, stay where you were called to be. God is there. Hold the high ground with him at your side." 1 corinthians 7:23-24

isn't it STILL (as a 25 year old), so easy to believe the lie that if we compromise on a few things, that life would be easier, and better things would come our way? hold the high ground, friends, God is there.

"I want you to live as free of complications as possible. When you're unmarried, you're free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God. I'm trying to be helpful and make it as easy as possible for you, not make things harder. All I want is for you to be able to develop a way of life in which you can spend plenty of time together with the Master without a lot of distractions." 1 corinthians 7:32-34

this time is golden. that is something i will have to repeat to myself many times. probably a few times a day. something pastor steven said months and months ago, has stuck with me in an every day way. without remembering the exact context, he said a simple way to help in decision making is to ask, "is it best?". hold it up next to scripture, filter it through the words of Jesus. is it best?

what do i desire in my heart for my life to look like right now, and is that actually best for today? i have this golden time to become holy and whole before the Lord.

I pray that i will not waste another minute hoping to be somewhere else, or wishing for a different story. You are my story, Lord. Give me courage to hold the high ground.

merry christmas to me

hello everyone.

i just bought myself a terrific christmas gift. i've had my eye on a few first editions of julia child's "mastering the art of french cooking" (volume 1) for months and months. today i decided i'd buy both volumes 1&2 new from amazon, wear them out, use them, age them, and hand them down to my daughters and granddaughters one day (if that is how life plays out). and the thought of this has made my afternoon.

life is good these days. right now i have about 16 projects going, none completed. a half painted bathroom, a 3/4 completed wreath, and an apartment smack in the middle of being home-ified. lots of plans are incomplete as well, but that's just taking up space in my head, and not on my dining room table (like all the piles of glitter, pine cones, and felt..eek).

last night i finally received some prints from jared and maria's wedding. having this picture up in my house is joyous.

also, i would like to recommend nellie mckay's new album. the entire album is a tribute to doris day, and it is SASSY and festive.

nellie's album here.

happy sleet day, guys.

it's just about done.

right now, sara groves' new album is downloading on my computer. excited to listen to this as i catch you up on the last little stretch of life.

i worked about 17 hours yesterday, left work at midnight and was back at 7am, red-eyed with a red eye in my hand, oddly enough. thankfully, the babies have pre (pre pre) school today, and immediately after dropping them off i went and got a manicure and fell asleep while she was massaging my hands. i rationalized completely surrendering to it, and plopping my head on the arm rest directly in front of me. i didn't, but i should have.

then after that i may have surrendered to something different but equally recharging--shopping. got a few nice things for myself, and tried on those boots (jess, you know which ones i'm talking about), they're on a big sale right now. but THAT i could not rationalize:) shopping-yes, expensive boots kind of shopping-no. i'm no rockefeller.

also, i cut my hair the other day, that's all i am going to say. it's not good. but, i bought a cute hat yesterday, and have plenty of ponytail holders, so i'm set.

this next week is thanksgiving and i have mixed feelings about it. thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, but it's coming too quickly. i need time to prepare for the pleasures in life. you know? like the drive is almost always the best part of the trip (unless you have kids, i guess?). or like december 1-24 is so much better than december 25. i am actually just confused about where november went. the days probably just sunk right down into packing, cleaning, moving, nesting, working.

today, i go pick up rocco from al's house, and he will be staying with beulah and me this week. rocco is ally's dog, and beulah's best friend, so the two of them will definitely be keeping me busy. my mom is also coming up saturday night after dog work, which will be great. she hasn't seen the new place yet, and we'll take the dogs on a few walks and hopefully eat some good food, and she has never been to the uptown campus either, so i'll take her there as well.

then sunday night: quality time with my ladies while watching some vampires run around.

it will be a good weekend, i dare say.

i hope that this weekend before thanksgiving is restful for you all, and that your hearts are prepared for family and food, parades and pies, shopping and sleep.

i love you people, and i'm thankful i have the chance to.

[go buy sara groves' new album, you will not regret it. here's a taste]

boniver+hair

listening to blindsided by bon iver right now. [here you go, this song might make you cry] i love them for a sleepy thursday.  [nope, any day].  i'm getting my hair cut tomorrow.  so let's talk through it.  [the rest of this post may be hair related, just a warning].  

here's where i'm at right now:

there's a weird tale on the back, you see it [no, not my foot]?  gotta fix that.  so here is what i'm thinking..

not much different, just a little shape-a-doo.  

except the front will have to be altered some.  here's my what i'm thinking for the front:

deconstructed, messy, razored pieces.  my hair doesn't look good 'neat'.  i love michelle williams' style.  a LOT.  

if you guys could take cues from any celebrity, regardless of face shape/length of hair/impracticality who would it be?  

also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALLY P!!!!!!

blogs/music/other things

here are some things i'm liking these days:

cup of jo(joanna goddard, her personal blog, she's a freelance writer in nyc)

urban weeds(pictures taken of people walking down the street in portland, OR)

getting dressed each day(mom who challenged herself to post pictures of her outfits every day, good accountability..?  not sure, but she dresses super cute)

the whispertown 2000

and dolly parton.

okay, someone smells so bad, my nose actually hurts.  must tend to that.  

when doves cry

i have a little bit of a thing for prince.  not really, i'm not sure why i said that.  he's so tiny, that one.  i do get in prince moods where i put one of his songs on repeat for like an hour.  anyway, not sure why prince has become the topic of conversation.  sorry.

on another musical note, i have a confession.  i have been listening to a local country music station.  i don't know why.  now, i love honky tonk old country music, willie nelson, woody guthrie, and even hank williams.  but all this kenny chesney, dierks bentley stuff is new and strange, and i don't like it, but i can't stop listening.  and this station plays the same 10 songs over and over.  

here's the thing, i wear a pretty tough poker face, musically.  i know the bands/people to say i like if i need to 'sound cool'.  but whatever man, i like what i like.  i'm 25.  i'm getting old, and i don't have time to think about if people think i'm cool.  i like taylor swift, okay?

and i know every word to both carrie underwood albums.  

oh gosh, and i'm really sucked in by miley cyrus drama.  

i am bearing my soul and sharing my most appalling secrets, can you handle it?

your turn: what person/band/teen pop star/tv show/website/movie are you ashamed of loving? 

don't leave me out in the cold on this one.  

keeping away my lonesome blues

this morning on my way to church, i heard a song from joni mitchell's blue album.  that album was worn out in my little honda accord circa 2000-2002.  during those years, josh had already graduated, and jared and i rode together to school every day in my little honda.  we went to a private school that was about 20 minutes away from our house, so the rides back and forth provided a good bit of time to listen to whatever it was that we wanted to listen to.  

we would go for weeks listening to the same album in the morning and the afternoon.  sometimes it would be radiohead's ok computer, and there was a pete yorn phase as well.  during my senior year, my best friend in high school, jessica, and i finished up our final exams early, but had to stay close by to pick up our siblings when they got out of school.  we ended up going to see 'vanilla sky'.  by going, we knew that we would be late to pick up our siblings, but we figured we'd face that when we got back to school, and not worry about it ahead of time.  

so when we returned from the movie, and pulled up at school, her two siblings, and jared, were leaning up against her car, with the most disgusted looks on their faces.  those expressions only worsened when we informed them that we were an hour late because we'd decided to go see a movie.  

i'm thinking that jared and i fought on the way home, i can't really remember exactly what happened.  though, when i start thinking about us fighting in the car on the way home from school, i do have very specific memories of us actually hitting the crap out of each other while sitting at a stop sign.  and for that matter, we have a really long history of car fights. (i wasn't totally forthcoming in that entry, i was a screaming crazy person telling jared if he didn't quit snoring and help keep me awake that i would end him.  jared's poor friend still has a look of fear in his eyes if we ever run into each other, as a result).

anyway, in the middle of our probable fight, i told him i needed to stop by best buy and pick up the soundtrack from 'vanilla sky'.  he was already mad, why not just go for broke?  

i ran in and bought it, and that is probably the most influential cd that either of us ever got.  introducing us to mark kozelek of the red house painters, sigur ros, and jeff buckley.  

so, it's a normal hazy day here in puyallup, and i'm sitting here listening to joni mitchell, and realizing it's been eight years since i was in high school.  i like growing up, but i am sure there are many more car fights to come, and many more songs to accompany them.