it was my sin that held him there

part of me feels like i should not blog when i am too raw.  but, i am doing it anyway.  tonight, i am struggling.  since coming back from christmas, life has been tough.  i feel really overwhelmed with the idea of driving back across the country, and finding a place to live when i can't afford a cup of coffee.  how will this happen?  i'm not sure, but i feel compelled daily to stretch my little measure of faith bigger, bigger, bigger.  

things with the girls have been taxing and heavy.  getting heavier daily, actually.  so, right now, i am spent.  i need to say it out loud, i cannot do this.  this job, this life, this year. 

"How deep the Father's love for us 
How vast beyond all measure 
That He should give His only Son 
And make a wretch His treasure 
How great the pain of searing loss 
The Father turns His face away 
As wounds which mar the Chosen One 
Bring many sons to glory 

Behold the man upon the cross 
My sin upon His shoulder 
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice 
Call out among the scoffers 
It was my sin that held Him there 
Until it was accomplished 
His dying breath has brought me life 
I know that it is finished 

I will not boast in anything 
No gifts, no power, no wisdom 
But I will boast in Jesus Christ 
His death and resurrection 
Why should I gain from His reward 
I cannot give an answer 
But this I know with all my heart 
His wounds have paid my ransom"

Stuart Townsend