Sunday, April 26, 2009

holy moly

i have a little while before i board my flight back to charlotte (by way of atlanta), so i thought i'd fill y'all in on my last few days.  

i am feeling pretty contemplative right now.  this weekend has been so fun, and such a wonderful gift to see these women.  i hope what i am about to say does not come from a prideful place, but as much fun as this has been, i am ready to go home.  

i don't have an eating disorder anymore.  

yes, i struggled for years with insecurity, bingeing and purging behaviors, and all of the things that come along with that (depression, dishonesty, and a host of physical side effects), but i am stinking free.  

after spending a weekend talking at length about it--i am disgusted.  not at anyone, or because of anyone, i just haven't let it be the main topic of conversation for a while now, so when it does become the topic, i see it for what it is.    

are there days i'm insecure?  yes.  
and yeah, there are days where i doubt and question.
but i have hope.
i am deeply happy.

but as far as worrying about the minute issues, or a freaking pound lost or gained, i will not do it.  i won't participate anymore.  

as much as i love these women, my heart is happy to be getting on a plane, and heading back to life in Charlotte.  

"Shake off your dust; rise up, sit enthroned, O Jerusalem. Free yourself from the chains on your neck, O captive Daughter of Zion."

Isaiah 52:2

5 comments:

Leigh said...

Beautiful.

You are free in Him, the only true freedom there is.

Jared said...

i have and will always be your brother. and i have and will always love you as my sister. but this lauren, the lauren who found herself in the desert, you are my best friend.

gandhi said...

i agree. an eating disorder is not something that is a part of my day to day life, yet more of my past. seeing people you love still so stuck is upsetting, and i understand the desire to not want to be around it.

you are amazing...bulah

Carrie said...

Yay. So glad that it was a weekend that led you to claim such freedom- let's catch up this week. Yay, yay, yay. Love this.

Carrie

wight people said...

awesome.

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