june 6

i am sitting in the basement at work, about to put the babies down for their morning nap.  thinking through this weekend, and how things are so different but very much the same.  my brother has a ring on his finger, and there is another hogan girl.  

as i looked forward to this past weekend, everyone told me to wear water proof mascara, have several handkerchiefs ready, and to prepare for the ugly cry.  but when the time came, all i could do was smile.  coming down the aisle, standing beside my sister, and celebrating as i walked back down that aisle, i could be nothing but joyful.  

because, you see, i spent the day with maria, and i saw the confidence in her eyes, and i saw the peace of the Lord so evident in her heart.   right before the ceremony, i snuck over to the boys' room.  as i walked in, i saw each of them sitting quietly in a dark room, and josh was playing the piano, and my dad stood quietly beside jared, along with larry who officiated the ceremony.  

there were no more loud voices filling the space.  replacing it was a quiet joy that filled my brother's eyes.  and i have never been more proud.  all i could do was place my hands on his chest, look in his eyes, and he knew.  he knew what i was thinking, and we both knew that my role as his sister would be forever different.  and so i cried.  not for what would change, but for how much i have treasured these years taking care of this boy, watching him become the man that sat there ready to be maria's husband.  

i made my way back to the bride's room, reeling from that moment.

and before i knew it, we were waiting in the stairwell, and i saw mr. thomas watch his daughter, and i wondered what he was thinking as he waited his turn, and wondered if he was willing time to slow down.  i hope that moment lasted a long time in his mind, that sweet waiting.  

i made my way down the aisle, eagerly.  a mischievous smile took over my entire face, and locked eyes with many people that loved us, and then i saw jared, and gave him a quick low five as i took my place.  

before i even knew it, the doors opened and i saw maria as she started to walk, and i also caught a glimpse of jared cover his mouth as the impact of the scene hit him hard.  as they stood at the front of the sanctuary, we watched as jared peered around maria's father trying to get a glimpse.  

and i tucked them away forever, these moments where life changes and grows.  

we listened as they made promises, and called each other husband and wife, and we cheered as they left the church much different than they had entered.