roots

when i first moved to charlotte, life felt nutty.

i just remembered how out of control it felt because 'skeleton bones' by john mark mcmillan came on. you see, when i got my land rover back from jared, he had a mixed cd in the car that included that song. i loved it quickly, and still have no idea what he is saying the majority of the time, but i sing with gusto anyway.

let's look at the calendar, my dad flew out to washington on march 16, and we set out across the country on tuesday, march 17. we were in columbia by sunday, march 22. [i was set to move to charlotte on april 6] the next week i was in savannah visiting with jared and maria, and picking up my car, and still job searching. my living situation was not set in stone yet, and i was dragging beulah around the world with me. i remember having a meltdown in savannah and feeling like i was at the mercy of everyone in my life to let me sleep on their couch, without a dollar to my name.

as the days tricked by, i knew i'd have to set out on my own and just start somewhere. while i was in savannah, i had a phone interview for a nanny position, and set up an interview for the next week, april 2. that next week i was back and forth in savannah, columbia, and charlotte. that sunday night, april 5, i was emailed saying i didn't get the nanny position, only to be called the next day [the day i'm packing up to move] and was told, "you did get the job afterall", and was asked to start the next day. eeeeeek.

i drove up here, beulah in tow, with literally a blanket and a pillow and one box of things. i had never met the girls i was living with, and there was the added layer of 2 cats and a dog living in a combined space. i was anxious and just plain scared. i stopped and visited jared at elevation's offices hoping maybe he'd come to the house with me to 'unload' (one box, remember?). he couldn't and i think i started to cry a little when i left him.

up and starting something new is scary.

i remember laura troutman praying for me over the phone as i drove up to the house to move in, and i remember the Lord giving me so much courage and confidence through that prayer. so, i tied beulah's leash to a tree out front while i brought in my meager belongings, and met JB and her fiance Ben. i got directions to the closest grocery store, and went to get beulah some food. the first few weeks i lived here, i didn't have provisions for beulah during the day, which was sort of a nightmare. she couldn't be out in the house because she wasn't used to cats. i thought i had a solution, which then fell through. after that didn't work out, i sat in a dunkin donuts parking lot on south kings, stole some internet to get directions home, and i cried. i guess big changes do that to all of us.

coming off a year of living on support, i had no savings. so those first weeks and months were a real financial adventure as well. let's just say there were lots of pb&js eaten.

that first week was full of craziness, my driver's side wiper blade going out in a huge rainstorm on i-277 (took me an hour and a half to get from east blvd. to my house), got lost on the way to my first sunday at elevation (providence). and i mean, i really got lost. but, i've told that story before.

in the midst of it all though, i knew every morning i could get in my car and the same cd would be playing. i didn't have friends yet, and sometimes i still got lost on the way home, but i knew it was temporary. and one day i came home, and suggested ally and i watch 'freaks and geeks' and after that, i had a lifelong friend:)

lots of things started to change and become more familiar. seemingly unimportant things happened like finding beulah a place to play during the day (for free). friends started to appear, like at jared and maria's housewarming party, i met laci. or the time i was crying after getting lost and met ashley. or the time jared invited me to the elevation cd release party (maria was out of town), and told me it was casual, and we got there and it was black tie (i was in jeans), i met cheyenne that night. a few weeks later, i ran into an old friend from arizona, raechel.

then a blast from the past, kristin camp moved to charlotte.

thinking back on march and april, i see that on january 21, 2010, roots are growing. i see the goodness of the Lord. i am thankful for a challenging transition into life in charlotte, and there is a deep joy in my heart when i think about the people the Lord has brought my way in nine short months.

"Oh let us adore the

Son of Glory dressed in love

Open up your gates before him

Crown Him, stand Him up"

skeleton bones, by john mark mcmillan

deck the halls

monday again. jared is at the airport right now about to leave for africa, and maria is in florida visiting her fam while jared's away. i don't love the feeling of them not being here. they are an underlying layer of comfort in my life. here's what i keep telling myself about the trip to africa for jared, if he survived a road trip to new mexico with sam and josh and our josh, he will be juuuust fine on a trip with elevation. but i covet your prayers for them as they go.

the apartment is slowly coming along. i've been working a LOT, and will continue to, and the time i have to nest is in very small increments. i did manage to get my chalkboard wall done quickly on friday night/saturday morning. it's super fun.

let's talk about this for a second. last week i messaged jess during the day, but got nick instead. caught up with him quickly, and somehow the subject of victorian christmas came up. let's rewind to this time last year, shall we?

me, nick, jessi, and babes were all still living at new beginnings home in puyallup. every year the founders of the ministry had a booth at the local victorian christmas festival, where they had a raffle for a handmade quilt. all of the staff (ehh, like 5 of us?) were supposed to split of the time at the booth and work shifts. oh i'm sorry, did i forget to mention that we were required to wear full 'victorian dress'? and by 'victorian dress', i do of course mean, weirdo lacy dresses with bustles, and nick wore a coat with tails and a top hat. lest we forget, jess was about 20 weeks pregnant at this point. we looked a little more like the cast of dr. quinn medicine woman (on a bad day) than we did anything having to do with the victorian era.

i worked two shifts, but the most hilarious one was undoubtedly the shift i worked with nick, where we just sort of scowled at each other the entire night. i'm laughing right now thinking about it. the thought of the two of us being in charge of selling a mennonite quilt is just about the best thing i've ever heard of.

seriously, you should really explore those links above. and here's a taste of some victorian christmas show goodness:

[to be totally fair, we raised money that allowed each of us to be able to have some christmas money last year, so it was worth it, but this is not something any of us talks about very often, as it was not our finest hour].

alright, so that's my gift to you today, a secret that none of us really wanted to get out. and now it is yours for the ridiculing.

sirens and leases

lately it's even more difficult to get up in the morning and be at work by 7:15am than it has been. mostly because it is dark when i get up now, and pretty chilly, and for the last few days, rainy. i have gotten my 'routine' down to about 10 minutes, my alarm starts going off at 5:45am, and no joke i hit snooze until like 6:30am, even later if i'm not dropping beulah at doggie daycare/getting gas/going to starbucks. i haven't been late to work once yet, so my routine will stay as is:)

this morning though, as i was waiting at the stoplight to get onto i77, i heard a siren, it sounded pretty far off, but i didn't want to move until i saw where it was coming from, so i sat there (the first one in line waiting to turn left) looking around to see what direction it was coming from. i continued looking for a solid minute (during a green light) not wanting to cut in front of an emergency vehicle, but finally cautiously made the left turn, only to realize a few minutes later that the 'siren sound' is really just a new noise that my precious car is making. yep, that's right.

moving on, i signed the lease for my new place last night. i'm pretty excited about it--it's a different house than the one i told you about a few weeks ago, but this one is even better. technically, it's a duplex, but really it is the back section of a bigger house in front. got a great deal on it, and central avenue is a few blocks away, as is east 7th (complete with starbucks and other sweet restaurants). even though it's a duplex, it still has a backyard which was a really big thing i wanted in a new place. want to see some pictures?

so yeah, it's small and sweet. so i'm moving! for the month of november i'll be there by myself, but then in december, my friend kristin is moving in as well. looking forward to having someone living with me again. alright, the world is falling apart for the kids right now, must go.

ooooooctober

about to hit you with a really lame bulleted list. i'm watching grey's anatomy so, i'm barely focusing, but haven't updated the ol' blog in forever. fall is here in charlotte, and things are happening.

• we're almost ready to *hopefully* sign a lease for a new place. i say 'we' because i've found two great gals who need a new place. location..perfection (for those of you familiar with charlotte, it's about two blocks away from the plaza, and directly behind the van landingham estate). it's a 4 bedroom, with a screened in porch (eeeeeee!), nice deck and almost 2 acre fenced in backyard (ahhhhh!!). it's on a quiet dead end street, and i love it and want to bake and have people over there all the time. if you'd be praying that all the kinks get worked out, and all the repairs get made in a timely manner, i would appreciate it! barring any complications, moving november 1st, baby.
• i bought a domain name for the business venture i mentioned, and maybe after this weekend's brainstorming/planning session, i'll give you some details, but i'm a little shy about it right now because it's early.
• my friend raechel introduced me to amelie's bakery this week, and i love LOVE it. it's open 24 hours a day (not that it really matters to me, i go to bed earlier than most grannies), but for those night owls out there, it's a great place to go get a salted caramel brownie at 2am, if you've got a hankering.
• baby hogan. maria has the first trimester pukes..jared and i made a late night trip to get some antinausea medicine and peppermint tea and gum. but really, does anything help with those dry heaves? let's be real..nothing really does, right? i love maria, and she's a champ. round of applause for all first trimester moms.
• tonight i get to hang out with some of my favorite people, the hubatkas, and my brother and sister. then having a slumber party with ally, rocco and beulah. fun times.
• also, when did grey's anatomy get SO good again?

happy first weekend in october, everyone!

i can't even tell you

how much has changed since my last post.  

last time i wrote, i was laying around at my parent's unmotivated to finish packing up my car.  well, the rest of monday picked up a good bit.  including being surprise-hired by the nanny mama who turned me down the night before.  confused?  yes, so was i.  

so, i drove up here monday night, saw jared briefly and ate mcdonald's with him, on his way back to savannah from working in charlotte for the day.  got to the house, unpacked my little bit of stuff, and settled in.  tuesday and wednesday i only worked half-days with the kids (11 month old twins) so that i could get my life under control, and also train with the outgoing nanny.  

today is my first day flying solo.  so far, so good.  they are busy little bees.  but we're having fun.  

they're napping right now, and without internet at our house, this will most likely become my blogging time.  i am quite tired after a busy week.  but feel energized by the change, if you'd asked me two days ago how i was doing, i might have started crying.  but today, i am feeling peaceful.  you know those times in life (and maybe this is just me) where you can't really listen to anything but worship music, just to help you make it through the day?  that's where i've been, just sort of grasping at whatever i can get a hold of.  

love to each of you, going to sip on some coffee and enjoy the rest of the quieeeeeetttt.  

a mess.

i feel like a wreck right now.  let me paint the picture.  

i am currently slumped on my parent's couch, wearing crocs (which almost automatically puts me in a bad mood), old camp crestridge sweatpants with no drawstring, that i have conveniently gathered to one side with a hair tie.  and for a fashionable finish, i have on yesterday's shirt underneath a big, frumpy hoody.  

BUT, i do have a quad grande americano to my right, and a puppy to my left.  they seem to be counteracting my feelings of filthiness.  i am listening to hillsong, and about to take a shower.  so we're going to turn it around.  

also, please know that i did go into starbucks looking like this.  and i'd stopped off at the park to throw the ball to beu for a second, and i sat down in the grass without thinking, so not only am i looking homeless, but i am looking like an incontinent homeless person.  

okay, one more thing.  as i was pulling up at the park, i saw that someone had put a super cute tv stand out by the street.  i made a mental note to grab that on my way to starbucks.  in the 10 minutes we were at the park, that thing got TAKEN.  and this was not a busy street, this is like lower richland at 10am on a monday.  some people, i tell ya, taking the things i wanted to steal.  

*post edit--i kind of forgot to say that i am moving today.  see you in charlotte.  

censored

sheesh.  after being at my parent's house for a few days, i could tell some funny stories.  BUT, they read this, and also have facebook.  so, i am officially on gag order.  especially after thinking i was smooth enough to get away with a frustrated-middle-of-the-night post about my dad's snoring while on our road trip.  well, i did not.  my mom read it to him like a true benedict arnold.  

not a lot to report this evening.  quick trip up to charlotte tomorrow for an interview and running by the house to meet one of my roommates.  

right now, i am unable to watch LOST because jare has my TV in savannah and my parents are all about some american idol results show.  once again, sheesh.  

still feeling a little nervous about the changes coming up in the next week.  if things go as planned, i will move into the house on monday, and start my job (if i get it..eek) on tuesday.  a lot of loose ends to tie up before then though.  

must go.  if you live in charlotte, be my friend.  please.  

a smattering

what life is like today:

• first things first, my blog looks like a piece of garbage.  i have been working on a new layout, but for now, it will remain garbage.  
• lately i can't get enough of two things:  roast beef sandwiches and kettle chips.  more specifically, the sea salt and cracked pepper kettle chips.  they are so good.  wait, i can't properly explain to you, they are so good.  (putting them directly on the sandwich seems to be more efficient, and a timesaver, frankly).  

• it has been dreamlike and weird being back in columbia.  i have driven around with all the windows down, and the sunroofs open the last couple of days.  yesterday i went down to the river, and it was beautiful.  today i drove around near our house and looked at familiar places i haven't seen in a long time (old churches, places we used to play, baseball fields we spent summers at watching the boys).  
• i have a very important/exciting job interview at 8am on thursday.  progress!  thanks, Jesus.
• sonic happy hour=good.
• eagerly awaiting cowan baby news!
• i found out my semi-okay full mattresses got thrown out.  geeze.  starting from scratch.
• beulah loves her family.  a ton.
• vitamin D is awesome.  
• true confession:  today i went to a big field to throw the ball for beu, i left the keys in the car, and let the music play at full volume, and sort of danced around (i'm telling you, this sunshine makes you do crazy things).  i was about 10 minutes into my dance party when i realized a new development had been built right behind me, and someone's kitchen window was looking directly out to where i was making a fool of myself.  

so--if you need a soundtrack for your own embarrassing dance party, or you know, just something to listen to while you eat your roast beef/kettle chip sandwich, here's what i am listening to:

oxford coma-- vampire weekend 

come on, listen to it.  (jessi, i am looking at you.)

bah!

i am laying here in bed, switching channels like it's my job.  currently stopped on the sopranos.  i'm at a bit of a standstill.  there is much to be done, but i can't really start packing up the car, until i go pick up the rental car.  i have vacuumed 3 times already.  maybe i'll dust?  

i don't know where i am going to live.  i can't really stay at my parent's house for any amount of time because their dog would eat beulah whole, one quick gulp.  so that leaves jared's place in savannah, but they're finishing school and planning a wedding, so that doesn't really feel like an option.  let's not even talk about jobs.  i get actively upset when i start talking about this.  

even though i get so riled up and fearful about walking into total dependency, i know that i will be provided for.  

let's talk about Glory.  yesterday was Glory's first birthday.  hard to believe, right?  i had about four different projects going for her, and i have finished none of them.  not so hard to believe.  but let me just say this, no matter when i get married and have kids, sweet Glor will always be the first baby that i watched grow.  i have only missed a handful of the days in her life so far, and i love her and her brother more than just about anything.  so Glory, happy birthday sweet girl.  it has been a joy watching you turn more and more into yourself with every day that passes.  and even though we won't be living in the same house anymore, you can always know that you have a godmother who thinks you are the greatest thing on earth.  

happy birthday, gloriana!

too much.

there is too much going on to even try to talk about it.  i feel like i have said the phrase 'too much' 50 times in the last few days.  

definitely too much food, too much decadence, way too much ice cream, and more mexican food than you can shake a stick at.  

as i sit here in our living room, my body is saying too much, and so is my heart.  tuesday is steadily nearing, and i can't quite figure it out.  i don't even want to be dramatic about this year coming to an end, but it's not just a year.  as much as i would want to try to explain what it is like to live here, and as funny as the stories can sometimes be, you just can't understand the intensity of this year, and the camaraderie it has taken to get through it (and the Jesus).  

talking about the connollys has merged into how i feel when i write about my brothers, they are so close to 'home' that it almost feels like i am being prideful when i talk about them.  so, talking about leaving, and not standing around in the kitchen together, just seems like too much.  

i'm not quite ready to do it, so please excuse my denial.  

currently

i have decided that i cannot use the delayed posting feature on blogger.  i end up thinking about it a few minutes before it's supposed to be published, and i cancel it.  not sure why?  i just always convince myself that it was stupid.

i packed up my first couple of boxes tonight.  and i finally plugged in my little ipod shuffle so it can charge, and so i can start making a killer road trip playlist.  though, i'm sure my dad will have his 'nanopod' as well, and we will be competing for air time, but that's okay because we have 42 hours of road to fill.  i am so looking forward to picking him up at the airport, and really looking forward to setting out across the country with my pop.  i know it is something we will always remember.  

a nice shot of wyoming 

after talking with kalle last night about their road trip out here last year, i got the crazy idea that we should buy a tent and camp out along our route about half of the time (and do hotels the other half).  i ran this idea by my dad and he just started laughing.  i'm not sure if he was laughing at the thought of me camping, or if he was laughing at the thought of him camping.  

growing up, we were not a camping type of family.  my parents just aren't into it.  i was telling jared today that dad might bring along a travel iron and ironing board and attempt to starch his shirts while we're camped out along the south dakota highway.  

also i am not pretending that i would be especially adept at the whole camping thing, but i'd like to try.  but after my dad stopped laughing when i suggested it, he said,

"um, let me think on that one for a day or two."  

  

today has been one of the nicest days i have had in a long time.  woke up early to a snuggle puppy, and then headed out to breakfast at portage bay cafe near UW.  kalle and i had been comparing notes for months on their menu, and how amazing their food is, so we finally met up there, and got to talk over coffee, omelets, and pancakes.  really sweet time.

vegan pancakes, topped with good things

came home and saw that sweet jess had planned a get together with some friends before i head out.  felt really loved.  

went outside in the sunshine and warm air, and played fetch with beulah, while texting back and forth with my brother while he was in class.  we talked about all the things we will get to do together in a few weeks, and laughed at the thought of dad and i sleeping in a tent.

forsythe park, savannah georgia

then i went upstairs and watched dvr'ed highlights of the bachelor from last night, as i had only seen the last 30 minutes of the after the final rose special.  the bachelor was maddening, but time on the bed with glory and jess was really nice.  then jess curled my hair using the flat iron.  i didn't know if it would work, but she made it work!  so now if i practice, maybe i can get it down.  

after that a really mellow afternoon, and then our newest girl, who is from mexico, and only speaks spanish, cooked an amazing dinner for us.  really and truly did this body some good.  

pretty much as of today, i am really not doing any new beginnings stuff.  really just focusing on moving, and it feels strange already.  like they're in the other room doing Bible study, and i feel like i'm playing hooky.  

i don't know, several people have asked me questions about how i am feeling about moving, or how prepared i am for certain aspects of it, and for the most part, i am totally unprepared.  and today, i just had to become okay with that.  i am getting there, and hopefully tomorrow another piece will be put in place, and then another one after that.  

i think i prepare as much as i can, and look for a job as earnestly as i can, but still be willing to step out even if it seems impossible.  really not sure at all what life will look like a month from now.  weird, huh?

february?

how did we get to february?  not sure, but i'll take it.  

feeling remarkably better since the last post.  we're pushing through, and i am pleased to say that it is friday and this week is almost over.  there is a lot going on here, and a baby is coming pretty soon, so that always adds a real feeling of expectation and excitement around the house.  well, that and potty training:)  good job, elias (and n&j).

move update:  i will be sending out letters this week asking for some transitional support.  i need to be pretty bold, and ask for what i need, so that's hard.  

a housing opportunity has come about, but a few details need to be banged out, so more on that later, if it happens.

and now, two songs from a fun little movie we rented this week:

devendra banhart:  lover

vampire weekend:  ottoman

k bye.

hope and action

now that you all know i am headed to charlotte, let's chat a little bit.  a lot of things will have to happen before i am able to load up the car, and head out.  right now, i am thinking my dad will take a one way flight out here, and drive back with me, which i think has the potential to be really fun.  and it will give us a chance to try out our navigating skills for when we're on the amazing race (25% kidding).  i'm thinking we can run laps at the rest stops, and make a meal from what you can find at a gas station, wait, i think that's top chef.  whatever, no matter what, it will be an experience, and there is actually no one else on earth that i'd rather drive across the country with me.  

so let's talk about what needs to happen before i move:

• first priority is to find a job.
• just as important, make strides to raise support for my transition time.  i could definitely use prayer for this point (without this none of these other things are possible).
• once i know where i'm working, find an apartment.
• after finding a place, i will have to gather up some furniture.  i had a ragtag collection of furnishings before i came out here, but they are now scattered to the four corners of the earth, and that is more than okay.  new start.  
• on the home front, i really don't have a lot to do/pack here.  i only sent out two boxes when i moved here, so hopefully i can make this a very low maintenance packing job.  
• my car is still in south carolina, under jared's watchful eye.  the current plan is to facilitate finding him a new (used) car out here in washington, driving it out for him, and then switching cars.  

okay, so now you know my list.  in the coming weeks, i will be asking your opinions about apartments, furniture, cars, and many other things.  buckle up, people.  i'm going to need you lurkers to come out of the shadows, and give some opinions.  because it's fun.  

new year, new city. again.

a few days ago, i told you that i would be making the move back east this coming year.  

let me tell you a little more about this.  right around this time last year, i reconnected with jess, and we emailed about what new beginnings was and their need for a staff assistant.  last january, i was really still in full time recovery mode after leaving remuda about six months prior.  i had been gearing up to start back into life, and was not sure where it would lead.  

after several emails, and a few phone calls i moved out to washington in march.  i was never sure how long i would stay, but was open to this being a 'life move'.  life began here, and as march turned into april, i saw glory born, bonded with the girls, and watched them become moms, i witnessed my two roommates, jimmy and faythe marry in april, and in may, i was apart of my first childbirth experience.  

in months in between then and now, jared and maria came out, nick and jess went home, my parents came out, we had some TOUGH girls, we planned the world's best thanksgiving dinner, and i got to watch elias and glory grow, and i have had the chance to witness 2 of the best parents around.  

this has been the best year of my life.  growing, exciting, life-giving, awkward, enlightening, patience testing, and fun.  

the decision to move on has been hard, and even typing it now, it sort of feels like, "really, you're sure you want to do that?".  but i think my time here was not meant to be long term, and no, i haven't moved mountains in my time here at new beginnings, and yes, there are so many things i could do better.  but my initial email to jess said something like, "i mean, if you just need me to come out and fold some clothes for you, i'll do it."  and i think that is an accurate summation of this year.  i folded some clothes (metaphorically..Lord knows, i don't even fold my own).  

in march of this year, i will be loading up my stuff and my dog, and driving across the country to live in charlotte, north carolina.  another adventure:)